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Is it my fault that my dad's an alcoholic and my mums depressed??? what have I been doing wrong? how can I make them better?
if you dont want to hear my life story skip down 2 the bottom, lol =D
I kinda know how you feel, BOTH my parents are alcoholics and killing themselves. the difference is, I never blamed myself and I dont care what happenes 2 them. they never really cared about me or my sister. I dont hate them and I certainly dont love them, but as far as I know, I have no parents. they are dead 2 me. I know it is an awful thing 2 say. but if you knew the whole story you would think so 2. neither of them has a job. my mom recently got fired for cursing at the boss. she's not 2 bright. my father hasnt had a job 4 about 3 or 4 years. and if my mother doesnt get my father beer and his cigarettes, he will "pound her head in" as she told me 2 days ago. yes, he hits her. he even used to hit us. I remeber cyring so many times. one time my mom was on the floor and he was choking her. I was like 3 years old. I have very painful memories of them. she really upsets my sister. I dont give a damn about what happens 2 her or him anymore. she kinda left him several times but always went back. in 2003, my grandmother and grandfather got custody of me and my sister. last may, my grandfather died from 3 types of cancer. the last time my mother talked 2 him, my grandmother threw her out because she was drunk (surprising... not really) and she yelled at my grandmother. 2 days ago, my mom came to my house and was talkin 2 me. then she start crying and she said "how do you get on with your lives everytime I close my eyes I see him!" then she start laughing! and then she start yelling. when she left I told my grandmother and my neighbor "I think she's bipolar" my neighbor said "she's doing more thatn drinking" and a few days before that she called and told my sister that she was going to burn the house down with both of them in it.
I hate that they are my parents. they are an embarassment to me. I hate when people ask me stuff at school like "why do you live w/your grandmother" because I really dont want to tell them why.
sorry that this was so long, but I guarantee someone would have been like "how could you say that about your parents?!!" so ya know
NO!!! it is 100% not your fault! trust me, never think that again, you didnt force him 2 become an alcoholic. if you still think it is I suggest therapy, seriously, for both you and your mom, it might help.
OR I've been told this helps:
Both you and your mom write your dad a letter, saying everything. call him anything you want. you dont even have 2 say dear dad, you could call him curse words if you want. tell him how you feel and when you r done, crumble it up, ripe it up, or burn it! it will give you closure
I hoped this helped
wow no it is not your fault at all...my dads an alcoholic and im always asking myself the same question..be assured you have nothing to do with it even if it seems that way sometimes. its nice that you care about him and your mom theres not much you can do besides go on being a happy healthy individual and living your life the best you can...alcoholics dont want to listen to anyone else, so there isnt anything we can do unless they want to get help. asking them to isnt enough most of the time especially if the alcoholic is in denial like my father. being an alcoholic doesnt mean that your dad is a bad person either. my dads a very successful and generous guy..but he "needs" his drinks everyday. one last thing- when it gets tough around the house with the drinking and you feel like its your fault..know that it is absolutely not and that in a few years you'll be on your own creating your life and things will get easier. good luck to you! <3
I know how you feel because almost my whole life my mom has been an alcoholic and it's really hard because I always think if she loved me then she would stop. Alcoholism is a disease and you have to know that they don't have much control over it. In my case my father is in denial and occasionally drinks as well. I think that you and your mother need counseling... I think that is the first thing you have to do because the process with your farther will not get better overnight or talk to your family for support. Also I want you to know that you are not alone and I hope that my advice helps you.
Babydoll, IT IS NOT your fault. Alcoholism is an inherited condition that has gotten control over your Dad. Your Mom's depression could be because of her biology also. The best thing you can do would be to join Ala-teen or Ala-non. These are organizations for the friends and families of alcoholics. A cousellor or teacher at your school should be able to help you find some help coping with your problems. It has been shown that the best chance of your Dad seeking help, is you joining one of these groups. Good Luck!!
I understand where you're coming from, for a long time, my father was an alcoholic, and my mother has been severely depressed for a great many years.
It is not your fault. It's simply not.
It's hard for me to give you any more over this website knowing nothing about you, but if you'd like to funmail me, I'll give you my AIM screen name and we can chat anytime you like.
I understand how painful your situation is, and I'd like to offer you a friendship.
no...its not your fault..that u'r dad is drunkard.What I think is ,first you go & tell him that its not fair to be drunkard & wholesomely it is going to disturb the environment of your family & might hinder the moral progress...also you must have to realise him that it is going to affect the health 2 much & may even lead to severe health problems...all you have to do is to counsel him into the right direction.
Its not your fault, whats going on with your parents is there problem,and if you get in the middle of it you might get hurt, so please for your protection just ignore it, but if your dad ever goes crazy and starts to hit you or your mom, please turn him in!
I dont think it's your fault. the only way to help them is encourage them to see a counselor or maybe go to a program to stop drinking.