I screwed up :'(

Heyy you guys I am really havin trouble getting thru life. So I am indian & 14 in grade 9 as soon as I got into highschool I got involved very involved its the end of grade 9 and at the end of grade 8 my mom trusted me a lot by the end of grade 9 she is soo suspicious she retrives the text messages I sent to my bfs and crap from her cell phone… Being indian its not in my culture to have bfs or any theing firstly I got caught for writing love notes to my x boyfriend now we broke up but I had someone else who I used to text my mom is retrivin those messages… I hate my life even tho now I ended relation ships with all those people I STILL DIDNT GAIN MY MOMS TRUST BACK I cant be open with her. I cant live around her as well as my dad I sumtimes feel like dyin I wish I never got into these things. Now I asked for a cell phone my mom said even if they were giving a cell for free I wouldnt get it for you because of all the messages I retrived. My life has turned worse as hell we dont ever discuss the matter much but the fact that we that the distance betweeen us grew majour makes my life worse what can I doo my brother whos in collage now is soo decent in front of me a very shy guy soo shee wishes I were never born where as my friends bros are out going they dont go thru as much as I do… Help me you guys please :’(