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I got raped by the love of my life:(

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My man and I got in an argument and he got physical and extremely violent for the first time. He agressivly forced me to perform oral sex on him. even though I was violently throwing up, he managed to ejaculate all over my head and face. I was begging and pleading for my life and for him to stop. but he just continued. I called the cops without him knowing and they showed up and arrested him on the spot. He is charged with 1st degree Rape, 1st degree Robbery, 2nd degree Assult, and interfering with a 911 call. They are all class A felonys and he faces a very long time in prison. I guess that I'm writing this because for some reason I am starting to feel alittle guilt in which I know I shouldn't feel. I think I'm having these feelings because I'm still in love with this man. I've known him sice I was 10 uears old and we had been inseperable since. He was my best friend. I keep thinking that if it was going to happen to me, why did it have to be him. Just 2 hours before the incident we were in love and as happy as can be. I just don't understand. please help me.