You know it is hard sometimes being a man. There are sometimes many things that are put on to us that others don't understand. We are to be the providers comforters protectors lovers friends put all of these together and you're supposed to get a husband right???
Well how do you put them in order to what the wife needs so she gets the benefit of all of them from the same person so she does not have to wonder if she should go find someone else for each of the things that she is missing in the one she has?
How do I make my wife happy and content?
First I’d suggest you start by asking yourself a couple of questions: Do I love my wife and, do I care about this relationship for any reason? If the answer to both these questions is ‘yes’, then I suggest you ask the very first question again, and again and don’t ever stop, even when you think you’ve found the answer.
Do your homework and search everywhere. There’s all kinds of information out there. Some of it is simply outstanding and doesn’t cost a cent beyond the time it takes to surf.
Also seriously consider marriage therapy but beware: there’s a big difference between individual, couples and marriage therapy. Many therapists who see couples in marital challenge are actually experts in individual or couples work and the results can be tragic for the relationship.
On the Internet is a slight catch too: a lot of the good stuff is like this:
The author’s advice is largely on-point; the problem is that she communicates like a woman, talking to a man. Most of us men in need of a solution to wife-satisfaction need to hear the information put in 'man-speak'. After all, we already honestly believe that we are listening and that we aren't trying to fix our wives.
I’m a self proclaimed born again husband in an unbelievably good marriage to a woman I was ready to divorce about 3 years ago (and I was regularly bringing home flowers and leaving cute notes every before we hit crisis point).
There's so much advice on making wives happy from men and women alike. Frequently it is confusing if not contradictory. Often what women and wives say they want and need is often in conflict with what they ACTUALLY want and need.
In the end, it's all about biology-yeah, that’s right – I said it and believe you me: it took my feminist raised, new age, democratic, liberal arts educated, formally metro sexual male brain a loooong time to accept this initially unthinkable reality. But strangely and quite unexpectedly, it simplified my learning and my rehabilitation as a husband and as a man.
Do your homework and you'll come across some great resources (that don't require a bank-busting commitment) that lay the essentials out in a way that men can hear them, like a small paperback book called, 'If He Only Knew' by Gary Smalley. In spite of its religious slant (usually where I put the book down), I found it to be incredibly insightful and on-point.
There are several wonderful discussions and pearls I picked up from Internet essays on the subject.
For example, husbands need to recognize that wives want to be taken on an adventure; they don't want to BE the adventure…boy did that one rock me. And husbands also need to understand that wives need essentially 2 things from you: to feel cherished and protected. I re-learn the meaning of this seemingly simple concept just about every week with feedback from my wife.
And, the fact that you married her presents you as the husband with a strange conundrum: it's actually more important that you continue to pursue your wife AFTER you’re married, than it was before!
Ever since I got these concepts and others, my marriage has been outstanding and, just as importantly, I actually like and respect the man that I am now so much more than the 'ideal' man I was raised and nurtured to be.
I am a woman who has been married for several years. I know most men probably struggle with exactly what you wrote. I know my husband has voiced those concerns too. I think it is great you care, first of all. Many men don't care what there wives think. Just be there for her. Let her know you are her biggest fan! Someone described it like this and I think this is a good illustration. Marriage is like a bank account. You have to put love deposits in consistently. If you take all the time without putting in then you are going to overdraw your account. Marriage is 50/50 You don't have to do it all. Give yourself some breathing room. Don't stress yourself. Bring her some flowers and plan a night alone. She will love it. I hope this helps.
I am a stay-at-home husband while my wife works, so our roles are reversed. I don't mind doing the housework, but when she gets home at 8 or 9 PM I like to do something outside the house. All she wants to do is veg! I understand that she's tired after doing 2 jobs, but it wasn't me who signed her up for both of them. I have dinner ready every night and the house is neat and clothes/dishes washed and put away. Our roles are just reversed. But how do I get my wife to see that I am doing all I can? I am disabled and it takes 2x as long for me to do anything, but I get it done. Any suggestions on how I can get my wife to adore me rather than complain because the dinner isn't spicy enough?
My wife also loves it when I just stop and give her attention. The bank illustration is the best that I've heard. You have to make sure she knows you still love her just as much as you did when ya'll first got married. Its the little things that matter the most. A small peck on the lips and an "I love you dear" as soon as you get home is the easiest but don't be afraid to do more when you can. To the guy that has the roles reversed...tell her you love her and set a night aside for you and her...cause as you said its reversed so she needs to show you that attention and show that you are still wanted and loved.
Ok, I've been doing some reading on this because I've been wondering too. There's a blog howtomakemywifehappy on blogspot and she's got some good ideas.
Seems that listening is a big one. Turn off the TV and just listen. Well, I did that - ok, I just turned it down, and I looked right at my wife and said, I'm listening. She seemed to liike it.
I also took another peice of advice I leaerned there - I pulled out the vaccuuum cleaner one night when she was at a friends house and I cleaned up the living room. man was she happy when she got home.
I live with a Japanese wife. Affection ,often wasted. Listening, to how horrible a husband you are is depressing.
Not cool or narsasistic. Be honest but I don't want to hear it. Made a mistake, repay for it every fight.
Not Japanese enough but too Japanese.
One day it's like we were the happiest couple and the next like I ruined her life.
Bipolar, unreasonable, complex beyond imagine and never happy with current lifestyles.
Key to a long marriage, don't try and figure them out. Key to a good marriage, completly separate lifestyles.