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How long am I going to hurt?

I’ve been married for 7yrs. Have had a wonderful, amazing life with my husband & now with our 2yr old its even better. I recently caught my husband lying about several things. #1. Computer porn addiction #2. Watching movies alone with a female while overseas for 3 mos! And last but not least, #3. Lying for months to cover this all up! He came out & told me everyting & said he wanted this all off his chest. Loves & adores me & wants to do anything & everything to save this marriage. He’s already seeing someone for the porn addiction. Says the female friend was just someone that was nice to talk to. Says they had a lot in common. To tell you the turth…that one is disturbing me more than anything! I went from knowing my husband/best friend & trusting him like no other to can’t even look at him without wondering & being so curious about this secert life he hid from me. I’m so hurt.

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Answer #1

You’ll only stay hurt as long as you choose to. There’s no mandatory time period to get over it. How soon do you want to forgive him? Do you want to forgive him? Do you want to stay with him? Are you sure he’s not going to let this happen all over again? These are all questions you have to ask yourself (and, I’m sure, many more). The power, will and want to forgive him, forget it and move on are all your decisions to make. How long do you want to be miserable? As long as you hurt, you’ll be miserable, that simple. Attend these porn addiction meetings with him (if possible) so you know he’s not just pumping another lie. Get couples counseling if you’re unsure. Do what you can to save your marriage. I know you can’t live unhappily together, so do the best you can to make it a happy family again. The best thing to remember about all of this, though, is that it could have been worse. Hold your head high and work through this. You’ll do fine. :)

Answer #2
  1. All guys like porn. I’d say it’s hard to fault him for that.
  2. “watching movies alone with a female while over seas” Don’t believe that line for two seconds.

It sounds like this guy has some serious issues. I sure as hell wouldn’t trust him if I was you. I have a rule I use in my relationships. If I think my partner would be upset if I did something or said something, then I probably should be saying/doing it.

Some guys can snap out of this kind of thing. I’d make him think long and hard about what he has with you and what he has to lose. Staying with a family member for a few days while he does this might help get the point across.

If you want to save the marriage though, don’t hold this over his head for the rest of his life. You either need to get to the root of the problem and resolve it or move on.

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