helping others

ok, so I help others a lot with everything, I am the go to person if you need someone to vent on, especially in my family, (youngest child) but I dont want to anymore, I have my own problems, that are way worse then theirs, how do I tell them to put a sock into it, without hurting their feelings?

Answer #1

Simply a Rose to brighten your day,         And maybe lessen the cares in your way;         And also, too, to help you to know,         That in knowing you, many others grow!

  Well, in my opinion, I think you should continue advising those who come to you with your problems. Not only would you be helping them but you would also be giving yourself a little diversion from your own problems.

But, that is part of your problem. You are holding on to your problems instead of getting them out into the open with someone who can help you see and deal with them.

Fun Mail a “sounding board”!

I would assume that you can’t talk about what you are going through with anyone because it is too personal and you don’t want others to know about it in relation to you.

The solution, then, might be to pick someone on Fun Advice whose advice you like and Fun Mail them. (You can check out the quality of someone’s advice by clicking on their name; going down to their recent advice, click on view all, then click on the questions that might interest you and view their answers.) Explain to them that you are having problems and want to have someone to use as a “sounding board” and would like to know if they would be willing to be your sounding board. Fun Mail is basically private, so you shouldn’t have any concerns about your privacy.

Although there are many users on Fun Advice who would be qualified, I’d suggest the person be an Advisor, for two reasons: First, most Advisors have several hundred or even thousands of Answers under their belt which can really give you a perspective about them; and second, you can simply click on the Advisors link at the top of the page and view a list of the most recently active Advisors with information about them AND a total of their Answers. (Don’t contact them by that “Ask me a question” link. That’s public. Instead, click on their name which will take you to their Profile page, then click on the “Send me Fun Mail” link on the left side of the page.)

You also have the ability to Fun Mail anyone (Advisor or otherwise) by clicking on the “Send me Fun Mail” link near the top of the Answer under the person’s name.

Answer #2

First off, good for you for helping people and being the shoulder for others to cry on. I’m sorry you are going through difficulties of your own. Try telling them what you told us: You are going through some very challenging and emotional times right now and you don’t think that right now you are best to listen to them and that in your perspective, their issues aren’t as imminent as yours. I would try not say “Your problems just aren’t as big/important as mine are!” because that can be very hurtful. Obviously they think their problems are big and important or else they wouldn’t ask you to listen or give advice. Best of luck with everything. Peace

Answer #3

We all have difficulties in life and it’s best if you deal with your own (then smile) :-)

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