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I have a hard life?

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I hate saying this because I know there are so many others that have it so much worse than me.

But it still doesn't make me feel better. Life can be just so. damn. hard. I feel like I'm fighting for my life on a daily basis. I am fighting for a meaningful life. I struggle with fatigue daily. My mom struggles with it too and so does my uncle.

I'm thinking this is hereditary. My mom spends so much of her life sleeping and I'm falling into that same pattern. I can't live life this way and I won't...well...I'm trying not to. It's just so hard to live life up when I'm struggling with fatigue.

Like, I don't socialize the same because I'm too tired to come up with things to say. I don't go out a lot because I'm too tired. All the things I want to do...I don't really do anymore. And I want to SO bad. I want to go out and play soccer like I used to. I want to write like I used to.

My mom just got done screaming at me for not going to church tonight with the family because I'm laying in bed too tired to. I told her I'd go tomorrow night. I love going to church, but I just feel too tired to even be up to that. My mom kept screaming at me and screaming at me until I just went crazy and I tried to leave the house. I'm 21, but I don't have my own car because I can't afford one and neither can my family.

I grabbed the keys to the Bonneville but my dad chased after me and took the keys away.

I feel trapped in this apartment. We live in a apartment now because we lost our house. I don't have my own room and I'm just going crazy being around people constantly when I just need to cry and get away from my mom. I beg my parents to get me help. The doctor and counselor said I have a fatigue problem and need to get help from a professional.

We don't have the money though and no insurance and I have spent so much $ on trying to get help that hasn't gotten me much improvement.