He lied to me, he had sex with his ex girlfriend

I had a boy friend from 8 months and I love him still. unfortunately we had sex for many times. I come from a culture where having sex is considered shameful before getting married. I know that my boyfriend had a another girl before me and still loves her. But recently I came to know that they also had sex. I feel very stupid about myself. I feel like having a suicide. I love my parents. but if they get to know about what I did they feel very bad because it is against our culture and religion. I want to die. I cant discuss this with anyone ( my relatives or friends). I feel cheated and there is no garantee that he will marry me. He would choose his old girlfriend to get married. I feel worried and feel like dying. I also know that I had made a mistake and loving him knowing that he has a girlfriend and shouldnt have had sex with him. Please help me. what should I do to over come from this. Please dont suggest me to go to any doctor.

Answer #1

Thank you everyone for giving me the best suggestions I need at this time. I feel much better now.

but there is some more to this. He still says I love you a lot and want to be with you. but he hasnt yet confirmed about his other first girlfriend who also loves him. he is planning to marry in around one and half years from now on and want to marry a person who loves him till that time(one of us, keeping options for himself). His other girl friend is currently not with him and is not maintaining much contact with him, as she is busy with her professional life and has familiy responsibilities. In this situation we met and all this has happened and has come till now.

he still wants to be with me and loves me. and if our relation goes uninterrupted, then he is planning to marry me. this is what he says. and I also love him and dont feel like leaving him. but my other half of my mind says similar to your suggestions, that there might be a much better person for me. but I love him too. his old girlfriend is not much responding to him and not much in contact, so he has somehow fallen in love with me in due time and is really sincere and real nice and responsible and caring person.

So I cant really decide upon what to do: either ditch him right here ( which I dont want to do, and hurt him, but I am hurt too and still cant decide) or continue with our relation and wait for his other girlfriend to respond, if she isnt, then we can marry and if she is, then we have to go away in our own differnt paths, which only our future has to decide.

what do you suggest me?

Answer #2

Dear soniasum, Before despairing and doing something irrational, you must find out what is the truth from your boyfriend. Is he with you to marry you or is he just using you? I think that now you must be strong and confront this situation in order to take better decisions. If you still want to marry him and him you, then you should go through with the marriage as soon as possible (even if it is just for show). If this is not possible, then you must put and end to this relationship and find another way. There are many roads to choose but first you must have faith. You are not the first woman to be in this situation. Many women live this everyday and come out of this stronger and better people. You must not despair and say all is lost. This is not true. Your only mistake has been to love someone and wish to be their wife. He is the one at fault for not honoring you and your family. Be strong now for your family that loves you and for the future that awaits you. You still have the possibility to live a full life and marry someone who will be a good husband to you. You still have the chance to be honorable towards yourself , your parents and God. Turn away from the darkness and sadness that clouds your vision and look now to the future, to the possibilities that are offered to you, find the path that will heal your heart.

Answer #3

try and think outside the boundaries of your religion people make mistakes okay its not your fault this guy has feelings for someone else you couldnt of known you need to get over this guy and start feeling better about yourself if you dont tell anyone about it, they wont find out and im pretty sure he wouldnt tell anyone about it, if your not sure, ask him about it its not likely that this guy will come back to you, but thats ok you dont always get the first person you fall in love or have sex with sometimes you might not even get the 10nth. you will find a guy who is right for you and loves you just the way you are you just need to be patient think of it this way any guy that doesnt want to be with you, isnt worth your time you shouldnt want to be with someone that doesnt want to be with you as much as it might be looked down upon in your religion, dont think of it that way think of it as you made a mistake, but life goes on, people make mistakes. and thats okay

Answer #4

I know you love him but if you get back with him what if he cheated on you again hes not worth it you can do better than that

Answer #5

Look, he lied, that doesnt make you stupid. You trusted him, and it is not your fault he lied about his ex. Ok, so you had sex, yes I realize that it is taboo, but it really is not the end of the world. People make mistakes. He used you, you have every right to be angry, but don’t feel guilty. Even if you dont marry him, you are not spoilt because you had sex with some guy. You will eventually get married to someone else. Give it some time, you will get over him. But in the meanwhile, remind yourself that you are a good person, having sex does not make anyone a bad person, and you will be fine without him.

Answer #6

god forgives you

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