The potato I planted wont freakin grow.
if you are planting a bagged potatoe from supermarket, make sure it doesnt say "not suitable for planting" on the bag, because I dont know if they genetically modify some, but they change it so it doesnt grow roots. It takes time to grow them, but usually they are the easiest things to grow! you can grow them from even just a shaving of skin.good luck.
Don't plant it...stick toothpicks in it around the middle, and suspend it in a glass of water. It will grow roots, and green shoots on top. once it is growing, take it outside and plant it in good rich soil, leaving the emerging shoots above ground. Water it and it will grow.
Simplest perhaps quickest way is to wrap it up in paper or plastic bag in the basement or the cupboard and let it set. Check on it periodically looking for shoots.
Plant when ready :D
Totally like ridgerunners idea. Radical.
Yeah that is surprising. Even if you leave a spud out until it begins to go off, shoots will start to grow from it.