I might be depressed I have no idea and I did self harm(7 months cut free) but I've never contemplated the thought of suicide and even less attempting, I just love life too much to do that but lately i've been having thoughts such as what if's. What if I got into an accident and died? what if I died? what would people in school say? what if I got stabbed and died? would anyone care? what would people who know me or saw me on regular basis think? stuff like that. Once again, I would NEVER actually go ahead and commit suicide other wise my books would never get published and I wouldn't see legend of korra finished but I just don't get why I'm having these thoughts.
Well your not alone, I also have the same thoughts of WHAT IF I DIED TODAY... But doesn't mean you want to kill yourself. It just means that your mind is running wild and you actually worried about the fact that what will your friends and love ones do if you were gone. Nothing dangerous, im sure everyone has the same thoughts once in a while :) and im happy to hear that you haven't cut yourself in like months now... Im happy for you.
Maybe it's because you're a writer and you're constantly imagining scenarios. I've thought about that too, but not as a possibility of course. I've imagined all kinds of what ifs just as any person has, it doesn't mean we wish those things would happen or we think they might happen... It's just your imagination running wild I think.
Something might be missing which makes you sad and wonder what if? Maybe attention? I'm glad that you know better and won't harm yourself and I'm sure that those thoughts will go away very soon. Try to think about good, happy kind of things.
I suggest you to live happily not to bother about what will happen..live every moment of your life with full of enjoy...have a positive attitude..everything will be fine