I have four children between the ages of 14 and 17 all living at home with me- Leyland- 17, Riley- 16, Dustin- 15 and Jared- 14.. I am a single parent and often struggle with the raging hormones of the teenage years, as well as having four younger children. Leyland, Riley, Dustin and Jared are all heavily initiated in gang culture. We live in quite a rough area where there is street crime/street gangs as well as organized crime and postcode gangs. I know that Leyland, my oldest, became involved when he was 13 in one of the most feared gangs in our area, not because of lack of love or respect within the family, or need for more money or things. He got in with the wrong crowds and they lead him astray. Being close in age, his brothers were close to follow. I know Leyland, Riley, Dustin and Jared are all good kids at heart, they are never violent or very badly behaved at home, they are loving and look after their other siblings. They seem to be different people when they are at school or out on the streets. I have tried breaking them away from the gang (which I shall not name) everything from grounding them to having early curfews, from moving areas to changing schools. Nothing works. I know that the extent of the crimes committed range from just hanging around looking intimidating and doing graffiti to beating people up, shoplifting to killing. But I am not sure how involved they are. They were a part of the summer riots. I also know that drug dealing is a problem and they smoke. They regularly truant from school. Even though underage, they all have the gangs name tattooed on their bodies. They also wear the gangs colours. One of my worries is that my 13 and 10 year old, as well as my 8 and 5 year old later on, will get dragged into the gang culture too, following their brothers like Riley, Dustin and Jared did with Leyland. I am really looking for any opinions/suggestions on what to do or any experiences. General help and advice really please. I am at my wits end, thank you very much.
no it doesn't always get them straighten out. chances it works is unlikely but if you send 3 to military school you might just make the others aware that your not playing round. if you can't afford military school which i doubt you can. you have other options be warned these are both extreme and highly serious idea's. IDEA 1 start dating a police man to constantly arrest them. IDEA 2 take a trip some where as far as you can afford to and abandon the worst two. returning home with only 6 kids. IDEA 3 buy a gun shot the oldest in the knee and explain why to all your children. nothing like fear to straighten kids out. not able to do any of those ok the four oldest are in gangs right well strip them of everything they own completely empty rooms only have a sheet and one change of clothes. literally burn the rest in a barrel out back forcing all to watch. then put them on a diet of bread water and spam. IDEA 4 contact your local D.A. and explain your issue and seek something like home detention bracelets. you might find your local law offices would enjoy correcting the problem now before either people die or are forced to be imprisoned for decades costing the state several thousand dollars. IDEA 5 move take the good kids with you and don't tell the horrible one where your at. IDEA 6 deport each kid one at a time until the remaining get the point. i know i'm crazy but i'm sure a few of these idea's would work if not then you might as well just write them off and stock up on envelopes and stamps to mail them letters in prison. or put money side for there burial. is a shame though 8 kids and all being so retarded that you can't even get one productive member for the world.
Growing up in Chicago and raising a family in around the area I know where your coming from and the seriousness of your situation. You may or may not be able to do anything to turn your older son around and being a single parent increases the odds your other younger children will follow suite of their older brother. Realistically as Rotten Sheep posted, if at all possible you would have to move out of state, to an area free of hard core gang culture to rebuild a new lifestyle for them. Living in gang infested neighborhoods doesn't afford kids much of an option. Particularly where there are opposing gangs crossing territiorial boundaries. Your protection and survival , (such as it is) depends on joining. Not joining makes you as much of a target as alligning with the opposing gang. Only then, you have as much to fear with all the gangs in the area. They will victimize a non member just as quickly as a member. But if making a drastic move in a state area far away and with low to no gang activity is not an option. Their are intervention programs available with former gang members who speak the same language some will listen to or be scared straight in the reality interventions. Since I don't know your state nor area you can find out about what is available that your kids can qualify for. 1) You could contact (annonymously) your local detectives of gang units and talk to them about programs available for your area (do not give out names or personal details that could id your kids). 2) this link which can help you in what steps to take: http://funadvice.com/r/15r1r4eals1
I know you love your kids and all but you gotta start making some extreme decisions for your extreme circumstance. At the very minimum you need to remove the 4 youngest from the influence of the 4 oldest. One of my ex-coworkers used to be in a mexican gang in SanBernardino CA, i forget the name, but his parents tried moving to a different area and he just ended up started doing his gang stuff at the new school and a couple of his buddies would transfer districts. His stepdad was a cop, and he still pulled this crap. Anyways he ended up getting out by talking the "leader" or whatever and about 7 of them beat the crap out of him at like 2am in the local park. A few broken ribs, shoulder out of socket, other bruises. Anyways, my most realistic advice to save all of your kids is to MOVE. I am not talking about moving from one side of town to another. Not from Chicago to Gary IN. You need to move far far away. Think small towns. I dont know what your job situation is but you have to remember your childrens lives are at stake. Look into Mesquite, NV, St George, UT, Greentown, IN. At least 50 miles from a major city. Once you do that meet with the local sheriff and tell them about the kids past. Anytime they become disrespectful or you hear of them causing trouble, call and have them sent to juvenile hall. Anytime you see the gang stuff coming back squash it. Burn their ghetto clothes. Stuff like that. They may hate you for it but if you can remove them from this, they will thank you later. Or you can just shoot them like John C said.
Grace, I hope you know that you are far from the only parent who has the kinds of concerns you describe. Have you looked into whether there are other parents who are getting together to see what they can do about it?
What about local churches or other community institutions, police-community relations initiatives, or other gang-violence prevention programs?
Here's an example of the kind of program that exists in a number of American cities (this particular one, Cease Fire Chicago, has been successful enough to be adopted in some international conflict situations, too):
And a video about their work, "The Interrupters," from the public television show Frontline:
But there are plenty of other models, too. I don't know much about how it's being addressed in England, but I do know that it's received a bump of attention since the riots last summer.
I wish you and your sons the best.
and u manage to disapoint me again :/ idea 1: unlikely. 2: inhumane 3: You will end up in jail. They will run off with the gangs for good, since they show them "love" 4: possible 5: doesnt solve the issue, the rest will still be bad. 6: yea ur crazy. I feel like something drastic may need to happen before any of them see the light. Maybe one dead or behind bars forever. Maybe not even then. Call your local police station and see if there is any help for them. A program of some sort. It is hard for them to get out once they are in. If you deprive them of food and stuff they will run away with that gang. Try military school or boot camp. This can be ver difficult to deal with . I hope they get out before its to late
That is indeed difficult then. I guess you would have o move really far away. Like, to a different state if you live in the USA. I'm sure thy could not get back into their old gang if you move a really large distance like from California to Michigan or something.
Or get them into some exit program. There might be some official help program for them if they really want to leave the gangs.
Maybe you could call the police anonymously, describe your situation and ask if there is some program that would help your boys to get away from it all.
Thank you for your advice. We have already moved to a different area once and they have changed schools twice but they keep going back to the same gangs as they are only a bus or a train away. Or they end up bringing the gang culture into areas/schools that move to/into. I have talked to them about my worries and they know the consequences but they tell me that they are in too deep and that leaving the gang would mean a sure death penalty. I really don't know what to do anymore. Thank you once again though.
I guess you will have to talk to them, tell them what you are worried about and convince them to get away from the gangs.
If that doesn't work, my only other idea is... find a job in a different town, move there and take your kids with you.
By that you'd put them in an entirely new surrounding and into a new school and force them to find new contacts. After that, you can only hope that life gets better and that they find good friends with normal social life.
yea just shot the oldest in the knee that will work. and starve them. they wont run away with the gang for food or money. nah.
you forget you own gun and it's not about saving the oldest one it's bout saving the young ones
Yea i do own a gun, thats besides the point. This is just rediculas
that actually is a good idea. I agree with John on this one
for for got you shot them in the knee there for no running.
yes I have eight children from two marriages
Yea that always gets them straight lol
i would say military school
Me too, that or boot camp
Beat His Ass!! Hahaha..
you have 8 kids?