How do I deal with my 14 yr old daughter?

She has lived W/her dad since she was 10. She has always come back & forth between our homes. I have always thought & felt my daughter & I had a close relationship. I had her at a young age, so I’ve always felt I understand how she feels because it wasn’t that long ago I felt those things. She has always told me everything (even things I really don’t want to know about) but she’s upfront. I started to get concerned W/some of her choices. She has never been one to do anything I ask her to do. She always has walked all over me because I have allowed her to. I know now I was more concerned with being her friend than being a mother. I confronted her father (him & I don’t talk often or see eye to eye) & filled him in on a few things (NOT EVERYTHING) I knew that my daughter entrusted in me. Now all the sudden she hates me. She wont call, or answer calls. She hasn’t even been to my house on her weekends. To top it all off, she didn’t even call me on Mothers day. Why? Why is this happening. I want to be angry, so that I don’t cry anymore or hurt inside. I have written her 2 letters, with no replies. Her father wont take my calls, nor will she. Her 8th grade graduation is coming up. Should I just go & show up? Or should I respect her feelings right now that she doesn’t want me around her. This is prob. the most painful thing I’ve dealt with emotionally. I’m so confused, hurt, & lost without her. What do I do

Answer #1

well I think that she is just going through a tough faze rite now and she mite think u told her dad everything. I say go 2 her graduation and try to talk to her and see what she says. Put ur foot down and talk to her. try talking to the dad and see wot is goin on. gd luck!

Answer #2

Thanks for your advice. Ive had many people tell me to go to her graduatuion no matter what. Because If I dont I will regret and miss out on somethingn I can never do again. Im just so scared to see her I guess. What if she totally ignores me? This is the most painful thing for me right now. I just cant find a way to stop crying and hurting. I miss her so much. Ive tried reaching her dad eveyway possible, he refused to return calls, text messages, or emails.

Answer #3

if she ignores noy. SO WHAT, YOU ARE THE MOTHER!!!!! u should go to her graduation.. dont talk to her father…and if she doesnt appreciate u being there then leave it alone because shell regret it one day..

Answer #4

Im sure someday she will be thankful I showed up, & I hope it matters to her “someday”. Because I know for myself I could never get over missing something so important.

Answer #5

Well it sounds like you answered your own question. You tried early on being her friend instead of her parent. If you have control of these items, since you are a adult and have money. You could cut off her cell phone bill, restrict or cancel tv cable and internet, and just try to have a dinner or read books or relax with her to have her open up and start conversation again. Go to her graduation. You won’t want to miss that. Weather you make your self known to her that day is up to you.

Answer #6

Thanks for your workds. I dont have any control over her electronics, although I have bought and spent every penny to buy her many things I could not afford. Her dad seems to have the dicipline thing down, but I think he should encourage her to confront her issues & keep a posative relationship with her mother.

Answer #7

Take this from someone who knows what your tlaking about.

My brother or sister dont talk to my mum ( because of alcohol issues ) My mum has written 6 letters to my brother, she sent him money etc he was not intrested

The advice i can give you is to not give up, if you stop sending mail etc your daughter will think you have gave up caring i know its frustrating but eventually she might come round.

Also let her know you have been inthe wrong and apologise for stuff that got in the way between you and her dad. good luck

Answer #8

Your advice is so right. I feel like I should know all this, I mean Ive been there, I know how she feels. I just cant grasp the words and actions she is doing “Knowing” its hurting me beyond belief. Why do teens do this? I know I was sorta outa control & have done & felt what my daughter is going through…..but why? Why would she want to know she is hurting me? that just seems so selfish & sad that any human being would intentionally hurt someone for their own benefit.

Answer #9

aw Yeah i get where you are coming from, if im honest i spent a year not talking to my mum either with good reason, and it hurt me so much i didn’t want to do it, The likely chance is its probably hurting her too! but shes a tennager and dosent want to give in easily, it is just pride baiscally. Also if you have a bad relationship with her father this can cause distress too as she may be at the moment fonding over her dad thus not liking “ mum”, Remember you did break her trust, and you need to rebuild it slowly, doing this you cant tell her how much your hurt or angry this will drive her more away.

You need to forget your negative feeling and put it aside and concentrate on getting your daughter to talk, apologising, writing letters, suggesting a day out maybe? even buying her something nice.

When you eventually talk again then you can let her know how much you were hurt by her, that way she will understand more good luck (:

Answer #10

good luck i’m 14 and drive my parents crazy they’ve kicked me out idk how many times but if there’s one thing i’ll do anything for is money so pay her for her good deeds :D good luck

Answer #11

Let’s see here…’re “afraid” of seeing her?? Why?? You’re the parent, not the child….and if you’re becoming more parent like than “friend like”…good for you!! You NEEDED to tell the custodial parent what she’s up to, for her own good. It’s your JOB to protect her.

If daddy doesn’t speak to you any longer, than I think he’s trying to be a friend also. You two need to be on the same page with her, so it’s necessary that he and you see eye to eye on her upbringing….It’s part of the responsibility of raising a child….


Answer #12

It is hard belive me i have no dad. u need to talk to her and tell her u love her

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