Home More advice Parents & Family
My parents have been married for 29 years and for the past 10 or so things haven't been going too well. I live at home with them and my two older brothers. My dad is an alcoholic and he has been for quite some time now. He drinks every night when he comes home from work, but it's on the weekends (his days off) that he gets really, really drunk. He plays music really loud into the wee hours of the morning and talks about how he hates his job and loves to "piss everyone off." Lately, he's been drinking to the point where he can't stand up and ends up falling down the stairs and knocking furniture over. Last weekend, I wrote my parents a letter asking them to get a divorce and when my dad found it, he crumpled it up and threw it in the garbage. I really just don't know what to do anymore and, as much as I am ashamed to say it, I have had multiple thoughts of suicide as a result of his addiction, but am getting better now that I have built up enough courage to just walk away. Anyway, please help.
See, the big problem is my mom is full of shit. She talks a big game, but she knows that she can't strike out on her own. She depends on my father for a house and money to buy food and gas. She should have planned better, but whatever. My parents both got married at a young age and had a couple of "pleasant surprises" which sort of forced them to grow up before they had a chance to really enjoy their 20s. My mom seems to have accepted this, but my father hasn't. A divorce would really do everyone some good, but it may not be the only answer... My dad could get some help, but in order to do that, he needs to admit that he has a problem. It doesn't look like that will happen any time soon. My brothers and I realize that he is responsible for bringing in the money that supports us, so we've been cutting him some slack as far as complaining about how much his drinking bothers us.
And as difficult as all that is (and believe me I am sympathetic), you still cannot convince your parents to get a divorce. You cannot make your dad see he has a problem, you cannot make your mother go get a job, you cannot make anyone else do anything. Your parents are in a co-dependent relationship. It's hard to break people out of those. The most you can do is support your mom in trying to get a life outside the home. That's if it is something she really wants. Maybe encourage her to get some therapy, or someone to talk to, like maybe at al-anon meetings. She does not sound very happy.
Well see, that's the thing- for as long as this has been going on my mom has done nothing but complain and threaten to leave, and I don't blame her for that. She has said many times that she would leave, but she doesn't know where she would stay if she did leave and if my role in this whole thing is to just sit back and watch, nothing will ever happen. My dad will get drunk, my mom will yell and threaten to leave, my mom will go to bed crying and the next day it will be the same exact thing all over again.
I am going through something very similar to that. My parents have been married 25 years and the last 6 have been very miserable. I really don't have an honest answer to your question but I had to say something because I know how you feel. I understand what you are going through. I almost committed suicide twice. So just hang in there and don't give up. You may not feel like you can take another day of it now, but you will get through this and one day will be away from it all. God bless.
"other people?" she's talking about her parents relationship..
heard 1 story.. she's so fucked up about her parents chaotic relationship, their children so badly affected, she asked her parents to divorce. and they did. now she seems to get a more peaceful life.. it all depends.. its ok to interfere your parents relationship esp. when ur badly affected.
Well, I'm positive that my mom wants a divorce (seeing as though she has screamed about it at the top of her lungs multiple times already.) It's just my dad who's putting up a fight. He keeps insisting that nothing is wrong, but clearly there is.
Well it still isnt your place to fight your mother's battles. She can walk out or ask him to leave. She can go to court if he refuses to sign divorce papers. But you cannot convince them to do anything.
Well, seeing as though they are my parents and their relationship has a pretty big effect on my life, I'd say it is much of my business.
Oh, yeah I know. My brother did it when I wasn't in the room and told me afterwards. I tried to delete it, but have no clue how.
A more appropriate question would be: How Do I Convince Myself That other People's relationships Are None Of My Business?
Here is an idea, log out before you leave your computer. Then, nobody will be able to get on your account.
You don't - that's something your parents need to decide for themselves for whatever reasons they may have.
You do know that sharing accounts is a violation of the ToU you agreed to, right?
Ok, thanks for the tip! I'll be sure to do that next time! ^_^
Sorry, that was my brother who put that, not me...
That was uncalled for. -___-
BTW, fuck yourself.
