Hi hope you can help with my crises well I have currently been with my boyfriend about a year he has a 3 year old daughter we recently got into this huge fight because I always tend to leave when I know his daughter is coming around. I just dont want to be around for it I feel they can spend THEIR Time together I have gotten attached to her but there has always been something that I can not accept I dont know why I. Maybe because she is not mine. And I am only 20 and I do not want a kid if I did I would of had my own. and me and her mom do not get along she complains about something everytime we take her back clothes, shoes, money anything . yes I knew she was apart of his life since I met him but everything happen so fast and at the beggiining I did not take out relationship serious. so here we are down the line she comes over on the weekends but I dont want to be around Y??? I am fine with them spending time together but not us 3 as a family it not for me and im not ready for it. now he says he is not going ot see her any more and its because of me I did not tell me to pick between us I want him to be apart of her life but im not ready for it and I dont know if I will be later on... will I? he can spend as much time as he wants with her. but he is choosing me I grew up with out a dad and dont want to be the reason for a little girl not having on either
whats there to do?
That is a tough one..something I too struggle with. It is not easy. For me, his daughter is really nice to be around...UNTIL she is with him. Then she is a whiny spoiled 14 year old. And he doesn't see it.
I think it is very hard to be in a relationship with someone who has kids from another relationship. I feel stuck in my relationship because I now have a child with this man too, and we are juggling so many other kids. It is awful.
I would love to say that you need to find someone who does not have kids yet. You are so young. But I understand matters of the heart. Try to take as much advantage of being alone with him. Let him know that you want him to have good quality time wtih his daughter. And you can oombine some activities together, but you also need to do things alone with him and can when she goes to sleep. Have a reward of doing something you enjoy after you have had time wtih his daughter. My boyfriend is the opposite...he wants the time alone with his children, and I don't want to be away from him, but I do want the attention.
Best of luck to you in this difficult situation. My heart goes out to you.
Hi Nessa, time to calm down I think, you're only 20years old and you dont want to have kids yet, thats fine, nobodies forcing the issue on you , now your boyfriends daughter is adorable and as you say you've become attached to her , maybe you wish she was a product of you and your boy friends love, but she's not , and this is whats making you feel uncomfortable, you wish it was, but not yet, in the meantime dont block out the girls life from your boyfriend when your'e present, if it makes you any more comfortable pretend its his niece or someone, because if your love for your boyfriend is gonna grow his lovely daughter is always gonna be part of his life. dont let the girls mum's comments upset you thats for her and your boyfriend to resolve, the main person here is the daughter .Think of it as if it was you who were the single mother and your your boyfriend is having issues with it, how would you want him to behave. calm down Nessa and think it over.
If you're not able to accept his daughter then the relationship will never work out.
You need to change your mindset. You're so focused on the idea that this is not your child, and you don't want children that you're forgetting the simple truth - she is there whether you want it or not.