I was always being bullied in High School. I have no friends physically and no one ever talks to me. I just closed my eyes and saw something scary and murderous looking inside of my body and all of a sudden I felt a spark and pinch on my body. And it looked like a red spirit and I know it's not from God. It came to blind me, tie my mind, block my breathing, and tear my chest and heart to pieces. I was sitting in the living room when my chest felt like it was being smacked with chains and had rocks thrown at my chest. Then whenever a door slammed shut, I felt like I was being hit with the door. I felt as if my head was the ground and they were slamming weights all over me. I felt like my head was a kitchen counter and my family and outsiders were slamming plates all over me. Whenever a paper is torn to pieces I feel like the paper is my heart being shredded. And I felt like my heart was being strummed like a guitar. I have never felt so much pain in my entire life. It's as if I was being executed. And I began to hear a voice thundering in the train and speaking in the wind as well. The voice kept telling me to go in the kitchen and pick up a huge kitchen knife and stab myself deep in the heart with it till it came out of my back and committed suicide because I'm going through so much and there is no point in living. The voice was everywhere I went yet there was no physical source. And I feel like there's a spirit touching my body and I'm scared because it can kill me. And everyone is going on with their daily lives pretending not to see anything. No one cares about me. I can't think because it did something to my brain and made me unable to read or see clearly. So I guess I might as well do what the voices said. I want to commit suicide by slamming a huge kitchen knife in my heart until it comes out of my back and I die. Then I will no longer be alive for people to bother me ever gain. And not to mention no more voices, no more blurry vision, no more school, no more church, and I won't hear insults ever again.
I also agree with the other responses. Its okay to not be okay dear. Talk to a counselor or dr. Dont feel ashamed or bad about it. Those images and feelings are not normal. Youve got some bad juju floating around you. You are special and you are worth every breath you breathe. Try taking a walk in the woods. A walk on the beach. Draw these demons you see. Ever hear of smudging? Maybe your house or bedroon needs a good smudging. Or smoke a joint. And yes, using a kitchen knife in the heart will get you nowhere. Kinda sounds liks you had insame heartburn. Next time breathe and drink some milk.. Blessed be and take care of youself dear.
You most likely won't have enough strength to stab yourself through the chest, it's a pretty hard compartment. Honestly I feel that you need to seek professional help, this is something that's in your brain. Most likely a chemical imbalance and you should get it checked out so you can get on your road to recovery. It's a process but it'll help you.
Agree 100% with TwiddleMuffin, you really need to seek professional help, especially if you have a son.