From my personal experience, as one who went through it as my first sexual encounter, I can be open & honest when saying the best way to help is to really be there for that person.
Actually talking about it is the only way to deal with it...perhaps not at first...because I know I felt really dirty, I couldnt look into anyone's eyes because I felt as if they could see right through me. I was ashamed...I blamed myself...If only I wasnt there & if only I didnt go to his room to talk...if only I had stayed in the living room with my friend perhaps none of this would had happened to me...but I did...and I blamed myself... It wasnt enough saying NO...because to him it was just yes but no i am playing hard to get...which was farther then the truth... I was disgusted by what had happened...most of all i kept crying, wanting to be left alone, swallowed pills...and starved myself hoping that maybe just maybe the pain would go away! The thing is, the more I was left alone, the more depressed I got...i surrounded myself with music...tissues & of course the nearest teddy bear...:( (i was only 16) It took 2 years for me to be able to look into someone's eyes...the smallest sound would startle me...piece of advice, dont scare her, especially from behind...dont .make sudden moves...loud noises...scream or shout...what ever you do do not grab her by the wrists...(I still have trauma's with all stated above...) If you really care about them...the first thing you need to do is ask her if she wants to press charges...(i told no one til it was too late, in fear of it backfiring at me, because he was from a wealthy family, and was a very cute guy that all girls wanted to be with...so would anyone believe he would have to r@pe a girl if he could get anyone he wanted at any given time...was a lose lose situation for me...if it ever went public...i would be even more isolated...stared at...and would have fingers pointed at me...) Getting help, someone to talk about it with professionally is the first step to recovery! Allowing them to talk about it is hard, but slowly with time & patience, its what got me through it...(like i said i nev got help...that is why i am still traumatized by it...but not as bad as it was back then...but still have issues... A shoulder to cry on when necessary, I know it helped for me...with friends...not all friends...just really close ones... Writing about it...not in specifics...but writing is a sort of therapeutic way to deal with all the emotions...all the anger, hate, fear, disgust & so on...i wrote a letter to him about everything that happened...then ripped it up...also a form of therapy... in time, they have to learn to trust a little...first friends...then maybe a little more...till they feel more comfortable...
Actions will change...mood swings...just all sorts of weird behavior all caused by any traumatic things they may have experienced...so be gentle...yet also keep it real...phony treatment will make it worse...making them lack trust in you!
Best advice is just be yourself...if you are the funny type...keep at it...if you tease..put that on the back burner for a bit...til they do it first! Smiling, yeah that may be a little weird at first but eventually after saying really silly & funny might make the person laugh...and that is also a good thing.
I wish you & your friend all the best...and I really feel for her...just keep at it...patience is the key word...and keep it real!
please keep us posted this worries me so I would like to know how your friend is...even if you wish to funmail me about it.
Hope this helped...Good Luck!
thanks...means a lot to know that someone agrees. Its hard going through the ordeal on its own...but when you have no one the way i did...and just close yourself off, that is even harder to deal with...so any sort of support is better then none at all in the long run! sorry to hear that it happened to you too...always here if you feel like talking...just funmail me anytime...i will never judge you! ♥
i agree, all a girl wants is for someone to be there for them and they will know it isnt your fault, from what has happened. but you should give them some time before they will want to ever have sex again! x but dont force them to do anything they dont want to do x either that or dont let anyone else make her feel uncomfortable x the most you can do for her is make her feel loved x
like i said...reread that...makes no difference if she is your best friend/lover or gf! she needs help, it's up to you or her family to get help for her...but just a lot of encouragement goes a long way! Hold her hand show her you really give a damn not just interested in the obvious as most guys do...that says a lot...
I wish you both lots of luck! :(
yes be there for them n try n pursuade them to go and have councilling i think its best to leave it the professionals who deal with that type of stuff just let them know that your there if they need to talk. and have they reported it to the police if not i think they should the same thing could happen to someone else
its ok we all get in these situations i guess ( cause i did myself) and as a friend just be there for her and comfort her and tell her that many people have faced this and she have to be strong as a person. and she must be happy that someone actually helped and that its (almost) not (happened)
this has also happened to me. i really agree with temptress. being there for the person will make them realise they arent alone, and they really have someone to lean on and give them support. just stay by their side and help them through what has happened to them. :)
it doesnt matter how long ago it was ive heard of people coming forward years later and someone else might of also reported it to . but councilling probably is the best way to deal with something like that a doctor can refer them to 1. best of luck anyway
I presume that your friend walked past some hip-hoppers who immediately started trying to rap about him/her. I have found ot best to let the other person decide when he/she wished to discuss almost being rapped.
So, apparently, the word r-a-p-e-d is not allowed on this deficient website. That's very stupid. No wonder I read this question wrong.
just be there for them and support them, dont make them talk let them do it in there own time. Treat them special and make them smile :)
omg i must say u really described what i been through years ago and you really brave to write all that. the best answer in here
Just be there for them. Try to take there mind off what had happen and make them smile. And hope it never happeneds again.
My girlfriend were about to be rapped until someone the door and saw what was happening. And this was 6 years ago.
I second that...guys like you should be reported...this issue isnt a laughing matter if you havnt noticed!
sorry I am one of the worse spiller in CA so that can happen too. and sorry if I spilled some stuff wrong.
I don't understand this question. Did someone you know almost get beaten up by a rapper?
Sorry I did not mean that one. I meant, she is my girlfriend so what should I do?
this was four years ago and if she did there would be no evidence.
but I have to be really honest about because she is my girlfriend?
R.ape her. So she can see what shes missing out..
Thank you very much and I will keep you posted.
comfort them and be there for them
You're an idiot.