Boyfriend Drama: He's controlling and disrespectful, help?

:( Me and my boyfriend have been dating just about a year now. He always tells me that we’re perfect for one another. The thing is I’ve gone through hell and back with this guy, he’s helped me coop with my mothers alcohol addiction, he and I have gone through cheating on one another and learning to trust eachother again, and not to mention his jelous ex that tried to break us up for over 3 months. Also, I lost my virginity to this guy when I was thirteen years old, and he lost his virginity to me as well. Me and my boyfriend are like bestfriends, but that changed a few months back, this guy hates it when I wear low cut shirts, and he thinks I’ll pull them down during class to put on a show to the other guys. He doesn’t let me on msn nor a social site, for reasons being that I may talk to guys, and he doesn’t want me talking to guys at school either, just because he says I may start to like him. Every second he nags about there being something wrong.. and it gets annoying! I just about lost my six year long best friend, because he doesn’t want me hanging out with anyone but him. When I call him crying, he yells at me and tells me to call him back when I’m done whinning.. He constantly fights and calls me pathetic, and so on.. Anything really. Not to mention that after a fight he calls back and sucks up by calling me baby and blaming our problems on his abusive father. When I tell him I’m going to a hockey game with some friends, he nags that he’s going on msn and talking to girls if I do, and I always end up staying home talking on the phone with him instead. Why haven’t I left him yet? I know that if I dump him I may end up regretting it a lot, and he’s alreay promised me we’re never going out again if this doesn’t work out.. Plus, he’ll go around flirting with girls just to make me jelous and I know I’ll be really hurt by it. I’m soo confused and hurt by this situation, and I do need advice. Another thing, he has his mind set that we’re gonna be together for eternity, so his mom has already agreed to give us her house when we’re finished high school, and he’s bought me a promise ring already! I’m fourteen years old, and I want to be free, I want to socialize, have friends and do whatever I want, when I want to.. Please help me..

Ashley.

Answer #1

Then you need to stop being his little “pet” (puppy on a leash), get a back bone, and LEAVE this abusive boyfriend, because it WILL get worse! There isnt anything to be confused about, because love is not controlling, nor is it disrespectful! There is NOTHING loving about your relationship. “Healthy intimate relationships are not based on a power struggle for control, but are grounded in a foundation of mutual love and respect.* At 14, you should be out having fun with your friends, and enjoying your youth. YOU have the choice to make your life the way you want it to be, not have someone who claims loves you, control your every move!

Answer #2

look…I a lot older than you and I also lost my virginity to highschool sweetheart.He was controlling but I didnt look at it that way because I was young.I thought it was cute that he got upset when uda boys looked@me or if he walked by my class and saw that I had on a skirt, upset if I was gone to store wth mom and not waiting by phone for him.I gave him that control over me it became mental and emotional abuse.I cud have left him before it became physical but I endedup having a beautiful daughter wit him that he doesnt help raise.I am now 30yrs old and I am telling you pls don’t giv this boy control over u.I left my highschool relationship after I turned 18yrs old and my daughter was6mnths old.I never took him back after the 1st and last time he ever put hands on me.Remember once you let a boy thnk they have control they will try to go to the next leve of physical abuse

Answer #3

it started out gr8 but then mayb he started being afraid hed lose you..unfortunatly it lead 2 major issues with control.hes now being mentaly and emotionaly abusive.ie not letting you b with your frends,calling you pathetic,controling how you spend your time,delibritly flirting with uda girls,(dats sick)ect ect.its just gona get worse.has he ever hit you???because it look like this is just abuse gettn worse and worse your worth more than this.if sum1else told you dis story wudnt you tel dem 2get out?u deserve better than dis hell. so did he do it on perpose?no I tink he actualy loves u.but control is a desiese and you both need help..if you stay with him hel never get that help.your letting you both get sicker and sicker.do you love him enough2leave him?mayb itd b better 4 uboth?and he is abusive.realy abusive.period.there just NO gond enough exuse 4 that.I tink you shud get out while your stil sane,but if you WONT please at least find a good counciler for both of you and read a bk called woman who love too much by robin norwood.please b carefulxxx

Answer #4

Yeah, you should definately leave this guy. Your only 14, your nowhere near the age you should be when you find the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. If a guy treats you like that, no matter how much you love and care about him, and no matter how much it will hurt to see him flirt with other girls, because the abuse will only get worse. I have been in almost the same situation, and I left him, and your boyfriends probably being honest like ine was, because I’ve never gotten the chance to be with him again. but IT DOES GET BETTER. You’ll find someone who loves you just as much without the emotional abuse. Good Luck Babe :)

Answer #5

OK you need to tell him that you arent his lil pet. You are sick of him thinking he can control you and that you are obviously dedicated to him so he needs to stop worrying about it if you were gunna leave him you would have done it already.

XoXo…

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