My 11 yr old adopted daughter was adopted at age 5-6.We are a Christian Household.We do indulge our children,but we expect cooperation and hard work in return.Dear Daughter is allergic to cooperation.
Last weekend she was very mouthy and refused to go to her room when ordered,after backtalking my wife.I finally had to march her in there by her arm.She turned to leave her room after I took her in there,I grabbed her arm and said to her,"You know that's not allowed!What's wrong with you?Why are you acting this way?Mommy and me aren't exactly happy about this."When she tried to leave again that was the last straw.
I piled cushions on her bed,took off my belt,and told her that she was out of chances."You're too big of a girl to act this way.Now,come here!" To be exact.She at first refused then after a bit of stomping and tears gave in.
She trudged over and right before she climbed up on the pillows told me."I hate you!And wish you were dead!"
"I'll give you a ****** reason to hate me!" I yelled and "lost it".
I'm sure I crossed the line,but i didn't bother looking.When I was tired,I just left. She didn't come out of her room for 2 days and now she won't even look at me.
No, my parents gave me tough love sometimes when i was younger and i'm perfectly fine. It worked i eventually got over it so i agree, do not bother apologizing... she has to know that disrespect and bad tantrums like that are not acceptable and will not be tolerated. Cool down though. Make sure you are calm when you ddecide to punish her or spank her. You did nothing wrong but dicipline your child... so dont apologize because she will not take it as seriously if you give in "my parents did that sometimes and i learned i could get my way the longer i held a grudge but when i knew they didnt care about that i understood that what i did was really wrong. When she decides to calm down and listen then talk to her about what she did. Make her sit in her room and think about her actions.
I agree with "filletofspam" When you are that angry is when you're the strongest and you don't even realize it. You could have hurt her really bad. And to me, punishing physically is uncalled for. Its not going to help the problem. If anything it will push her away from you. You don't want that. So I agree that you should sit down with your family and talk about it and apologize and make sure you look at that little gil and mean your apology. Show that you love her. And have a conversation about what needs to be done. Come up with different punishments other than physical ones. I had things taken from me, or grounded when I acted out at that age. And it worked well for me. Trust me it does work. I wish the best for you!
wow well you certinally wouldnt ever live with me them , ive bin through a heck of alot in my life and got seriouse ager problems , i wouldntlisten nothing , she is a 11 year old girl and adopted you should never act like that towards her , yeah times get tuff but seriosly read some parenting books , its there age children get gobby and defient , just ignore her she will soon learn that type of behaviour will get you know where just ignore the behaviour you are not happy with, but i tell you something now your lucky if that little girl ever speaks to you again!! you wont ever be the favour in that house again you will be turned into the baddy. you can punish a child but not punish them that they hate you.
I agree with "filletofspam" and "mesara". I can relate to your daughter and tell you that as an adopted child you always feel some sort of rejection no matter how much the family your with now loves you. Acting out was my way of pushing people away because it hurt less for me to push away then for them to drop me. I feel you should sit down and talk to her instead of corporal punishment, ESPECIALLY since she isn't yours biologically. You may think hitting her is ok now and yeah the pain goes away but the emotional turmoil stays and things in the future could fall apart like trust in you or your wife. So please no more hitting.
First off. Never punish in anger. If you are angry wait until you have cooled off before deciding on consequences. I'm not a fan of corporal punishment at all but if you are going to spank it should be done with a cool head rather than at the climax of a conflict. You should talk with your daughter. You both probably crossed the line but you are the adult and should be able to control yourself in stressful situations.
Aw man, i remeber when i was like that. Don't worry about apologzing. That was my dads mistake with me man. I just kept doing it because i got use to the pain and he would apologize and give me 5$ sooner or later. Your daughter will eventually learn thats it's better to listen like i did. Or find loop holes that my parents dont see, which is what i do mostly.
At 11 years old if you yell at them I see no problem but if you hit her with a belt I do see a problem. After apologizing to your family you should look into anger managment. If you didn't hit her but took your anger out sexually then you need to be put into jail.
you should try everything in your power to repair the damage you've dealt. Your offspring is fundamentally an extension of yourself and you can't be right with the world until the trauma is reconciled. Good luck!
seriously you have kids, they let you adopt? some christian you are. she is 11 years old and you are a grown man and you beat her with a belt until you got tired? you are lucky if she ever talks to you again.
I understand that you are a good person because you apparently feel some guilt about this. just don't ever let your own childhood spill onto and forcefully influence your own children's lives.
Physical punishment is just horrible. It turns some kids real bitter. I had physical punishments when I was a child, and growing up, I grew anger towards everything. Just say sorry.
granted she is wrong to behave this way, but you must understand that this is a developing person you're dealing with. Do you want "abuse" to be a mark on her spirit?
you should but tell her why you did it so she understands have a talk with her if you feel really bad maybe bring her out for dinner something little