Should i feel regret for giving my daughter up for adoption?

My family had chosen for me to have my daughter adopted... yes it hurt soo badley. however, she is in a home and with a family that I wish I could have grown up in. they treat her is amazing. but I still have those moments where I miss her really bad.. and I get jealous at the fact they have full control of her. should I regret what I did?.. my boyfriend told me to keep the term "No Regrets" going through my head. yes very easy for him to say... but number one it wasn't his and number twoo.. it wasn't consentual sex either.. =[ her "sperm donor" is in jail...

22 answers

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ANSWER #1 of 22

I can assure you that just because my aunt is not my cousins real mother does not mean that she does not love her as much as her real mother does. Not everyone has the means to provide for a child. It is great that your mother could wil4life! But don't bash people because they can't!


ANSWER #2 of 22

You did it for a reason and if the child can grow up in a good environment then it should be okay...Yes, you will have your days that you miss your child and that is normal but just remember why you chose adoption and how it has help not only the child but you have help someone that is unable to bare kids..Good Luck

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ANSWER #3 of 22

you dont have to regret anything. if you have up your child it probably was for a good reason. I have a baby already and he's about to turn 1 year old. I have another one but it didnt come in the world yet. the children are by two diufferent guys. so dont feel upset you may have done the right thing by giving the baby up.

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ANSWER #4 of 22

If you still are in contact with the people who adopted your daughter ask if you can have an open adoption which means you get special time with the child most peoploe do this know because they were hesitant about giving up there child

( I got this wisdom from a magazin lol )

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ANSWER #5 of 22

Why do people love to hurt other people? Please don't listen to the negative comments on here. Country kid and soconfused are people who thrive off of pain. You did what was right and best for your child and yourself. So don't let them get you down.

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ANSWER #6 of 22

I wouldnt have regreted it because I wouldnt have done it... and I don't think that you should have done that... now you have to live with that regret forevea

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ANSWER #7 of 22

You shouldn't regret it I'm sure you did what was best for the kid. I would say even if you can talk to the family that adopted her and can go visit her all the time.

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ANSWER #8 of 22

They can't because they don't try...it's better to try then to give up and my mother isn't the greatest person...she used to be by my side...and she isn't anymore...but at least she tried ...

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ANSWER #9 of 22

you souless mother f*cker!!! how could u?? she is going to die because of u!!!she wont have a dang mother!!1how would you feel you black hearted souless person.

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ANSWER #10 of 22

It's ok to miss her and think of her and for you to want to be part of her life.
Love like that is wonderful and I have so much respect for you right now. No joke. If I thought I wouldnt be able to take care of my kids then I would have done the same and felt the same.
and from the responces on here I know I'm not alone in this.
and for this responce:

"I wouldnt have regreted it because I wouldnt have done it... and I don't think that you should have done that... now you have to live with that regret forevea"

Says someone who never had to actually do it.
It's all fine and good to talk high and mighty now when your biggest problem is trying to find cool new ways to spell "forever."

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ANSWER #11 of 22

That is not true. A child is better off with an adult who can take care of her than a person who cannot or doesnt want to. Even if the person is the biological mother. Giving birth does not automatically make you a good mother. (Anyone can give birth, not everyone can be a mom.)
What you did was for your child's own good. That takes more courage, and more love than most people have. Dont ever regret doing what is best for your child. Love is about doing best for them, not for yourself... Placing a child in a home that is best for them no matter how much it hurts you takes guts, dont listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.
As for it's better to live through trials, it makes you stronger, ok im sorry but that's just b.s.

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ANSWER #12 of 22

yes you should feel regret...why would you let your family...she is your daughter even though it wasn't consentual sex...you should have kept her...my mother was raped and then I was born...she kept me and I couldn't love her more for that...she wanted to put me up for adoption but she didn't..and I am proud of her for that...and knowing how I came into this world only makes me stronger and having my real mother by my side to help me through things only made me even stronger...sorry if I'm being harsh but only a childs real mother can truely love them...and if I grew up on lies I wouldn't be the person I am today..and I'm a good person, I help other children that have been brought into the world by rape, be strong


ANSWER #13 of 22

I am sorry that your Mom is not there for you anymore but that is what I am trying to say. She kept you but was she up to the responsibility having a child brought? There are so many families that want children and are ready to have a child for life! I would much rather a child be given up for adoption then to be neglected(not always on purpose) or be aborted.


ANSWER #14 of 22

It's perfectly normal to feel regret. If you didn't then I think something would be wrong. Adoption is hard, you went through all that bonding through the whole pregnancy, had a baby and now she's gone. Mentally your mind is panicking because biologically you should be caring for a baby right now, it's a mother's instinct, survival for her and her child.

I definately think you should seek counseling. For both the violent sex crime against you and greif from you adoption.

xox
Sika


ANSWER #15 of 22

ok, I understand that but I feel it's better to live a life with your real mother instead of someone else...anything a child goes through in life only makes them stronger...and if they get put somewhere where their life is good and nothing bad happens, and they don't have to fend for themselves it will make them weak...I've seen it happen


ANSWER #16 of 22

I would like to say thank you first off because if it wasn't for people like you then my aunt would never have gotten a child. You saw that you could not give your child the home she needed and did what was best for her. My aunt got cancer at a young age and is not able to have children. She adopted a little girl 6 years ago and is about to adopt a boy at the end of the year. She prays and thanks God everyday for the mother who allowed her to have the child she wanted so badly. I know you hurt but think of the parents you have made so happy and of the child who will have so much thanks to you!


ANSWER #17 of 22

What you did was an Amazing act of real LOVE - you recognized the realities ad made the best decision you could have made for her - be very happy for her and proud for yourself - you put her FIRST !! - any feeling of condemnation is not coming from God - now go forward and thank God for all His many blessings !!


ANSWER #18 of 22

ok don't listen to countrykid!!! That's not true! as long as your child is in a good home then I think you made a good decision! a lot of people are not ready to have a child and I think its wrong to keep a child that you know you can't take care of !!! It's normal to feel regret in a situation like this, I'm sure. But just remember what you did was because you loved the baby enough to accept that you couldn't take care of her as well as someone else. And if you still get to see her, that's even better~


ANSWER #19 of 22

listen my dear you don't have to regret of anything, it is a good decision okay


ANSWER #20 of 22

Just wanted to say that I personally found your response excellent susanfullofadvice.

:)


ANSWER #21 of 22

I don't think you should of have your baby up your adoptsion you should of gave it to your mom or somebody else .


ANSWER #22 of 22

Thank you kiasu! I aprreciate that!


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