Today I left home for the gym I was only gone 2 hrs.
When my husband came to pick me up..I cheerly said I've been waiting for 20mins in the cold and he went mental he completly flipped. I don't know why? All I said I was waiting for 20mins in the cold and the guy just lost it.
Later I found out the car needed a small part so he spent £60 to get this part,,,what I didn't reliase that he was mad from the car,,,I didn't know...
This is and on going thing whenever he spends money on the car,,he just looks to pick a fight and then he goes to far..He turns is AROUND like its my fault...and threatens to leave me.
Why does he do this? where am I going wrong
He probably does this from stress (why he begins the fight) but as to when he threatens to leave you, this might be a way for him to deal with his own guilt, because I am assuming hes not stupid, he knows it hurts you, but he doesnt want to apologize so he justifies it in his head by hurting you more by saying he will leave you.
The funny thing is, when people post a question about what to do they usually have the answer right in the question. You need to basically tell him exactly what you told us. Tell him that you noticed that whenever he spends money on the car he takes it out on you, and you dont appreciate it. This shows that you noticed it and its clearly stating that you dont like it. If he threatens to leave you, say something like "Do you try to hurt me to cover up your own feelings of guilt about how bad you are treating me right now?" this puts it out in the open and spells it out for him. Sometimes people need the most clear and blunt statements to change. If he doesnt change, then you need to say something like "I dont appreciate how little effort you are putting into my feelings in this relationship. If you cant respect me as a person and not something to take your anger out on then I dont think we can work."
Now this may be an empty threat and you might know that you wouldnt leave him but it is a SUBTLE hint that he might not be the one who leaves. I have a feeling his threats are empty and hes betting that you dont leave him. So turn the tables subtly and it should scare him enough to realize that what he does effects not just you but your relationship.
Your not doing anathing wrong it looks like your husband does not like to any the foult in other words he dosent like to take responsibibliti for his own actions.
Don't let him scare you or anathing that only shows that you need him soo much you are willing to do anathing for him and I know that is not true, just listen to him he needs someone to talk to it seems like and sience he keeps it all inside those feelings are turning into anger.
Meaby you guys are in a tough money situation and he is taying to make all the bills the food you need e.c.t to fit into the money you can get and when something out of the ordanary happens everything looses control and he has to rething some plans.
sometimes when we got our own problems we tend to be irrationally angry at all times (basically like PMS).
could it be that maybe your husband's got problems of his own. however, I think he shouldn't have lashed out on you. marriage is a partnership. if there's something wrong, you 2 should talk about it in a calm way and sort things out. at least that's what my parents do. :)
when he threatens to leave you do you become teary eyed or full out start crying?
maybe he likes to see you like that... seriously this is more than just money if he goes mad when you said and said it in happy way that youve been waitng for 20 mins :S
was he like this when you were just going out?
reminds me of that song a little time by the beautiful south