Why does he still need to contact his exes?

I think it started 3 years ago with X… I can’t say we had a good start, it was messy and confusing. As much as I wanted to commit, the only answer I got from him was that he COULDN’T on his part because he was still unable to get over his ex girlfriend. I know most girls would have chosen to fled with such a reply but I held on because I love X so much. Still he brought me out to meet his friends and he told them that he was confused about me and stuff like that. Then his parents came over for holiday and he told me he wanted me to meet up with them… Of course I was excited, I thought it was a sign and I waited eagerly for the day to come but I never got the chance to… He never contacted me during that period until his parents left… Still I waited for X for 2 years before he finally told me he was ready and we OFFICIALLY became a couple last year.

Shortly after we started, I discovered some pictures on his lap top while I was surfing the net… I saw pictures of his parents when they were here for holiday and his ex was with them. To me they looked really happy like a family in those pictures… Why did he even bother to ask me to meet his parents?! And left me hanging on thin thread? Maybe I was stupid… I confronted him and also forgave him…

Since the incident, I lost my trust for X… I will find myself checking his phone and I found messages sent to the ex who spent time with his parents and also to yet ANOTHER ex whom he always described as Psycho… I know they have met up through the messages sent… There was also one time he spent an hour plus talking to this ‘psycho’ at 4 in the morning. Besides these 2, there is yet another girl whom he texts, saying things like ‘I want to see you’ and ‘Take a cab down to see me and I will pay for your fare’… I know I shouldn’t be snooping around, I should respect his privacy but I do not understand why this man, who claims he loves me so much would want to continue doing all these even though I told him I was uncomfortable with his existing ‘relationships’ with his exs… and he ‘flirting’ around! And he promised he will stop contacting them but its still going on…

I may have lost my trust in this man but the only reason why I am still hanging on is only because I still love him very much… I can’t strike a balance in this relationship because I can’t trust him anymore and I know I need help… My friends think I should leave him but I can’t… I find myself going back to him after some time. What is wrong with me…?

I want to be able to trust him again… I want to have my own life and be myself again…