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What to do?
What to do? I am at a crossroad and reading the pain and agony has helped me consider maybe having an affair is not the best answer. My husband is wonderful, I can’t imagine loving anyone more than I love him or wanting to be with anyone more…however I need to feel passion and love and interest. He is not giving me that. I met a man who I felt instant attraction to, but he is married and I didn’t think it would ever lead anywhere. Until we were recently in a situation that allowed more; things got out of hand and we did end up in bed together. It was wonderful; so many things about him made me feel alive. More than I have in a very long time. Now I am contemplating continuing…I don’t love him, and don’t want to love him, just enjoy him. Can I get involved without my feelings overruling? I don’t want to hurt my husband; I would never leave my husband. So what happens if things become more involved? The craziness of it all is I want my husband to be this man and he isn’t. I don’t want to fall in love with someone else.
Recognize that once you step over the line and have the affair - regardless of whether your husband finds out - it has changed the course of your marriage. When you get to a point in your marriage where you are willing to have an affair, it is a sign that you no longer are truly in love with your husband. If you were you would not do something that will most likely devastate him. I know because I had an affair and then my husband found out and was willing to forgive me but I was in love with the new man and couldn’t stay with my husband. I really did not realize how badly I hurt him until the divorce and him showing me how horrible he has felt because of what I did. I would say if you really love your husband you must ask yourself why you would be willing to do something that will hurt him more than anything else in this world. If you look at it that way, you should be able to walk away from this new guy and rededicate yourself to your husband. You must nurture your relationship with your husband - be honest with him, tell him that you are feeling that he has these shortcomings - be very honest and see if you can fix them together. It could be you are feeling your own shortcomings. I think we tend to blame our spouse for our own issues sometimes - they become great scapegoats. Really evaluate yourself and your relationship with your husband. And if you can’t make it work, let your husband go and then have the affair. But there is too much risk of losing your husband for an affair when you aren’t even in love with the guy.
You need to stop this with this other man You are cheating on your HUSBAND! you promised yourself to him, to be true and faithful…and you are not being all those things you said in your vows. Marriages can become a little dull after been together so long and your sex life may not be as exciting, but if you really love your husband, you would work on things You wouldnt want your husband with some other woman would you? Yes, having an affair can be interesting and exciting…but love is so much better. I think you need to sit down and talk to your husband Maybe tell him that you slept with this other man…but you didnt mean to. You really do need to explain things to your husband. If you are going to continue to cheat on him, you may divorce him and be single…then you will not hurt anyone that way I hope you decide to do the right thing.
Can I get involved without my feelings overruling?
Nope.
I don’t want to hurt my husband
You already have…
I would never leave my husband.*
That’s not really up to you anymore.
So what happens if things become more involved? The craziness of it all is I want my husband to be this man and he isn’t. I don’t want to fall in love with someone else.
Thing ARE already more involved. You’ve ruined your marriage by betraying your spouse. Trust has been compromised, and you’ll eventually fall victim to the power of your own imagination.
Love & Relationships
Dating, Marriage, Breakups