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What Should I Do?...
My girlfriend and I have been together for 16 months. Today, we were talking, and she blew up in my face. I didn’t even know what I did. She basically kept asking me why I want to join the Marines. I’ve already told her why, so why is she asking again? After some time, I start to get kind of defensive, because she’s yelling at me like I did something, so I tell her
“You want me gone? Say it then…” “I want you gone! I don’t have time for you!” “Okay.” “Oh sure, leave. You’ve given me enough space, go!” “Okay…”
With that, I left her alone, and I don’t know what I did to make her feel like this. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do? Do I talk to her or just leave her be?
Please help!
I’ve told her several months ago, and she seemed fine. I leave for the Marines in a year, but I’m training now to get in. It’s just so weird to have her yelling at me all of a sudden. I mean, I called her good morning, and everything.
I feel like I’m a bad boyfriend to want to join the military, but it’s not like I don’t love her. I support her dreams of becoming a doctor, and I told her she has the grades, the will, and she has me as well. I love her very much, and I tell her that everyday and night.
I just wish I could talk to her right now as I tried to, but she just went “Please! I don’t want to talk to you!” and with that I said “Fine..” and I left back home.
What the hell, I feel so horrible.
You’re training now to get in… This has made it real… She either didnt completely accept that you were leaving, or was hoping you’d change your mind. Now, this is right in her face and she has to deal with the very real fact of you being away from her from months at a time.
Look, peoples feelings are not rational. I was not telling you what I thought about your situation. I was telling you how she probably feels.
I did say give her space. Right now she’s probably feeling sad, worried, guilty, mad, and a whole lot of other things. She needs some time to calm down, and I know you feel crappy and you want to fix it. But what is best for her, is some space. When you do talk to her, try some empathy… accept how she feels. Dont argue with her about how she feels. They are her feelings and she has a right to them (yes even if you think they’re completely irrational). I will bet that it will get you a whole lot further than defending yourself… You obviously have a right to your feelings too. Try to express them as gently as possible, without getting defensive.
And chill out. You’re a good boyfriend. You care about her. She’s just freaking out because she’s scared. Put yourself in her shoes. How helpless would you feel if she was going to join the marines? She’ll calm down and hopefully accept this. For now, you just gotta let her feel what she feels…
Thanks for the advice. I talked to her today, and she explained it to me. She apologized about it, and said she’s been kind of “moody” ever since I told her I have a year left, and she’s just scared because she doesn’t want me to forget her or come back and be all different.
Again, everyone thanks for your advice, and I’ll try to keep my mouth shut about the Marines for a while. I don’t want to get her upset again.
Hmm well this is just a hypothesis… She’s upset that you’re leaving her… By asking why you’re joining the marine she keeps asking why you’re leaving her, why you dont love her enough to stay for her, why you’re putting her through this… and yet she cant be selfish enough to ask you to stay for her. You did do something… You’re abandoning her. She’s scared you’re going to get hurt or die, she’s scared you’re going to leave her… And she’s mad at you for not being more upset at leaving her…
Let her cool down, then go talk to her… all she’s saying is she loves you and she’s worried about you…
Love & Relationships
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