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My son says his step dad is taking porn dvds into his room to watch while he and little brother are in the room. Could something be going on?
Oh, I got so caught up with bickering I forgot to answer your original question. "How to confront the dad" and "how to get your kids to tell you"
Your kids are still young, so hand gestures are a must, and I know this will sound gross, but children understand hand motions better than adult terms.
Ask your sons if the step dad has ever touched them down there, and point to Your private part, then his. Repeat it and say Has he ever touched you down there, or put his private part on you, and keep pointing at it. Then...I know this scares you, but your son is boy, and so is the step dad, ask your son the one thing that scares mothers the most...
Has daddy (step dad) ever touched your bottom? point to your bottom, and then his, and ask if he has ever put anything in or near it. I pray that this isn't the case, and I know it is awkward as heck , but it's the easiest way to get answers from kids. If he shakes his head yes, or says yes in any form, ask him what he did or how he did it. If he can't explain, don't shrug it off. Do this when the step dad is NOT Home, and If he even said yes at all, call the cops as soon as you are done talking to the kid.
If that is too awkward, which if I was a parent...I'd put awkwardness aside and do it...but if that was too awkward for you, Sit down the step father and ask him why he's been going into the boys room to watch porno. If he denies it, don't listen to his crap because at your kids age they shouldnt know what pornography is, or how to explain it correctly. So if he denies it, ask him again. Always look in his eyes, if he takes his eyes off of you, write down a note in your head, that he could be lying again.
When someone looks away, stumbles their words, or does something like this...
You: Are you watching pornography in the kids room?
Him: Say What? (As if he didn't hear you, but he really did. This is what liars do to stall, because that extra time it took for you to repeat it, they are trying to think of something to say to it...Trust me)
Look at those key things and that will tell you right away if he's lying. Hold his hand, because when liars lie, their hands instantly sweat. I'm not saying all sweaty, twitchy people are liars, but use these key things to investigate.
If he admits to doing something...Don't put love for him before your kids. Even if it hurts you to do it, Call the cops when he goes to sleep, or when he's not around. Don't continue seeing this man, and maybe even get a restraining order... Either way I wish you luck ,and try to stay safe.
If he's ever beaten you, bring a mother, or a friend over during this process so no one gets hurt. Once again, I wish you luck, and don't let this go and shrug it off...please.
You might be scared to ask, but if your sons are in danger, how do you think they feel??? Take your scared-ness, and double that by 1000!! Step up! Be a mom, question these things. Kids tend to lie, and if it's a step dad, they tend to lie a lot because they feel like step dads will never replace the real one, but if your kid isn't lying and the step dad is sexually abusing them, You'll have more emotions than just being scared after you find out. You'll have anger, because you'll want to kill the guy who hurt your kids, you'll be sad that your kids had to go through it, scared that you let someone like that into your kids life, this can all lead to depression and depression is NOT healthy. Put your scared emotions aside and do something even if you have the slightest hint something might be wrong, take that gut feeling and go with it because your gut is 95% right.
If your wrong, it's not the end of the world, we all make mistakes, and if the step dad was just trying to be a buddy, he should understand your concerns for your children. If he doesn't then he was never that great a guy to be with. No offense, I'm just saying! FIND OUT BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!
TAKE OUR ADVICE, if you can't take your own gut feelings advice, take ours before something worse happens! PLEASE!
There's 3 possibilities:
1) He's a pervert. If they're not yet in puberty it's definitely wrong. If they're teenagers but he's harrassing them it's also very wrong. If this is the case, go to the police and report the man. You need to protect your son.
2) But then, if they're teenagers, maybe he's trying to do the 'I'm your best buddy' thing. Fathers will sometimes give a beer or a p0rn vid to their sons to show them that they're considering them equal and adult and that the son can come and talk about everything. If it makes your son feel arkward and he doesn't want it, tell the stepfather to stop doing that. Not all teenagers want dad to be their best buddy.
3) Teenagers sometimes tell lies. So if the relationship between your son and the stepfather is very bad, he might be saying so to get teh man out of the house.
What you can do: Talk to the boys. Find out what's really going on. Find out how they feel about it. If they need help, help them.
Yeah That Could Beee...im Not saying it is Tho How old is your Son? an Why would he Tell you That if He Wernt Telling the Truth? Sooo Could Beee... There Can Be Many Reasons Why your Son May think That Tho. Well I dont think you Can really do Anything Unless He's Letting your Kids watch it tooo! But if he Does that Alll The Time theres a problem an Thats Not a Good Example to set For your Kids...if he Contines Doing that An it Gets even Worse I wouldnt just Stand back an Let it gooo...you Should Con Front Him about it He Shouldnt Be doing that Kind of Stuff around your Kids But Only if you Know your Son is Postive an Certain about it...
He could be a sex addict, and maybe feels his wife would be embarrassed or upset if she found out, so he goes in there to get away from her? That's a bit sick though in my opinion, of the kids being in there...I can understand if they were out of the room and he was single... but having them in the room that's just sick! Maybe he's a sicko, not saying he is but maybe...You'll need to investigate more on it, and confront him before it goes out of hand...
My son is 5 and the other son is 7months. I was so caught up with working I was never at home for about 4 months. Now Im layed off so Im with them all day. There is little things that lead up to maybe something happened sexually but Im scared for me & my sons. How do I ask my son more without causing problems and How do I confront the step dad?
I think you definately have to speak to him about this and let him know its unnacceptable. This is not a good role model for your sons, maby he doesnt realise and its just him not thinking, I'm not suggesting you end the relationship but have a discussion about this, It is obviously bothering you and not right. TC xx
You need to help them, I don't even know why you are even questoning this. If your sons are under age this is wrong. Plese do something!! He could do something worse and this could turn out really bad. I'm almosr beggin!! Plese help them
GOOD LUCK:)
okay investigate but when hes not home when your son knows more info tell him to tell you okay good luck :]
let me just say this: its better to be embarrassed and wrong, than ignore it and your son be right..ya dig?
erm... how old are your sons?
