What are some funny things for a psychic to say?

For my media production class, I need to write a skit about a psychic. I am going to have her do either a palm reading, crystal ball, or tarrot card reading on one man and then a woman. I want her to say funny things to them, like, give them ridiuclous things that are going to happen to them, but I’m having a total brain fart, I can’t think of anything! please help! Note: Anything I put in this video has to be school appropraite so nothing about sex, drugs, etc. Thanks!!!

Answer #1

The woman reads for an old woman and says she will be getting married soon Where will her bridegroom live? asks the old woman, she quotes the address of a cemetery where she has bought her tomb! And she adds that she will have a reception in a splendid house. Where? asks the old woman. She gives the street of the main hospital. Only there will be one problem she declares. What? says the old woman, that she will have a bad cough and will not be able to sing at the beginning. An old man she tells he will meet an interesting charming woman. How he asks? He has first to find a banana peel but not see it. How will the woman be dressed he asks. In white. How will he receive her? he asks No problem, in bed says the psychic. A young man is told he will soon be transfixed by love´s arrow? How? he asks. No problem, go and enlist for active combat. How will he know when love´s arrow will come? He will hear a hissing whistle. And then. No problem in a few weeks he will meet his bride. What dress will she wear? Oh she wears many dresses in summer, but she wears only white in winter. Has she a big house? Yes, but she will give him only a room, her embrace is tight? Will it always be a happy marriage? They might be divorced if a court of justice opens, but it is not sure if it will, then she might leave. And what should he do? He will be sent either somewhere hot or cold. Could that happen soon? No it is not sure it will ever happen, it takes times, he can sleep over it. A young woman asks her fate. You are unlucky says the psychic. Why? Because your payment will not last. What shall I wear then? asks the young woman Black and then grey answers the psychic. Yes but she will g

Answer #2

she starts a reading and see’s something so funny she passes out laughing I don’t know

Answer #3

Make her sound really serious and be like ‘oh no, oh god no. no. no. this is baaad…’ and the other person is going ‘what? what!!? am I going to be okay???’ and she keeps not really telling enough information and the person gets really pissed off? lol.

Answer #4

Tell them they will have an untimely death from drinking a cup of coffee that was cursed by a psychotic gypsy. Lol I just made that up. hehe

Answer #5

haha thanks! these are both perfect!!! keep the ideas coming!!!

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