I have few female friends in the office, we kind of know each other may be morethan 4 months. Problem is they dont talk or smile at me even when we come face to face but they chat with me very well when there are not much people around. Why do they behave so? Chatting with me is not regular . It would like once in a bluemoon. Why do they act so?
1. You have low social value, my friend. Women are unconsciously very sensitive to social value. If they can smell an agenda in your mind, they'll be repelled - That if you have low social value. On the other hand, if you have good social value and they sense an agenda - they'll be stoked. Think of it this way: Imagine a creeper vs the football team captain. If the creeper with zero social value tries to talk to this average attractive girl with an agenda of taking things ahead - she'll be repelled and creeped out. On the other hand, If the football team captain with load tonnes of social value talks to the same girl with an agenda of taking things ahead, she'll be stoked beyond imagination - enough to get instant bambi eyes! --- This is absolutely scientific. Attach social value to the creeper and he is no more a creeper! Then the same girl that responded negatively before, will respond in nice ways, you won't believe. That's how biology has wired women. They can sense which guy has good 'survival and replication' value, fairly accurately, intuitively and their biology calibrates their behavior accordingly -- all, under their conscious awareness, beyond their choice. (unless of course, their 'observer' or 'observing ego' is turned on all the time, they know all this and they consciously try to manipulate themselves into behaving in dissonance with their biology!!)
Because of your low social value, they are afraid of being seen around you because a person with low social value brings the perceived value of the entire group down. Women know this, unconsciously. Imagine it like you hanging around with the biggest jerk in your school, without even getting to know you, half the people who don't already know you will instantly thinslice you as of being a jerk yourself. --- The very fact that they talk to you just fine when there are no people around and they are not unconsciously afraid of being 'judged' or poorly socially perceived, validates it all.
When they do talk to you, it out of a place of niceness. They are being nice because they think you are a nice person. And to clear it out, no, SOCIAL behavior has NOTHING to do AT ALL whatsoever with what kind of a person you are or how nice you are. (Ever seen the attractive girls consistently dating the jerks?)
2. Another thing which might be the case is, the fact that you do not take any proactive initiatives at all. You do not ever talk to them, maybe consciously ignore them out of shyness or a fear of having your ego deflated upon their responding coldly to you. They as a result, think that you want to be left alone and not talked to - so they seldom initiate a conversation unless it is required. Also, women will typically not initiate conversations with someone they are not that close to. If they really want to talk, they'll drop hints, but not initiate (but of course that also depends on the girl and the situation)
So, there go the explanations for why they act the way they do. Now, let's come to the fixes:
1. If the case is number '1', I am afraid but there is not much you can do about it - your first impression has been severely distorted by your social value. Trying to recover from that is like recovering from the black hole - not likely happening (!)
2. If the case is number '2', then you can start proactively engaging them in conversations more often - instead of waiting for them to start conversations. If you do that long enough, they'll soon start to feel comfortable enough to talk to you and start conversations on their own without having to think much about it. If you feel shy though, don't RESIST your shyness, just act CONGRUENT with it aka just 'roll with it', don't try to fight it - JUST ROLL WITH IT. They are not heartless monsters who are going to punish you for being yourself!
The Middle Ground:
Another possible thing that could happen though is - them sensing an agenda after you start to engage them more proactively in conversations. Now, because you yourself previously were not that receptive to them, they might not have yet made a judgment on your social value. So, now if you do indeed have an agenda, it might repel them away from you or compel them to get closer - all depending on what they unconsciously judge of your social value. (got nothing to do with looks) There is this element of randomness to it. So, it's best if you want to play things safe to WEED OUT any wachy agenda you might have hidden in your mind - chances are, it's very existence will spoil things for you.
As a side note advice and a general guideline: If you have other options, Do NOT hook up with your classmate, your coworker or your neighbor --- IT has the potential of causing a LOT of nasty drama later. Unneeded.
**** IF anything in this article had a negative impact on your self esteem, I apologize. My intent was not to cause that. All I did was type out reality the way it REALLY is, instead of typing lies or ineffective 'morally correct' advice which fail to produce results. That being said, yes, you can count on me. I know to the very depth what it is that I am talking about.
Maybe you don't talk to them.
Or what you say is boring.
Or you're constantly trying to pick them up or say something inappropriate.
Chances are, you're just quiet and sit there expecting all the "ladies" to come talk to you. Won't happen my friend.
Yeah, just keep trying. Don't give up after at least making an attempt to be friendly a few times. It might make a difference whether or not you are male or female. You also may need to figure out if you have anything in common.
maybe try talking to them more maybe there just busy you can start off by saying hi to them and asking how there days going and maybe start talking to them more
I think you need find the reason from yourself, if they do not talk to you, why not start talking to them first.