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how to stop hating myself and live at least a normal life? I need help.

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Let me just get one thing clear. I am not normal, I am a total weirdo and if you're just gonna hate and not give me constructive advice, then don't answer.

I'm 13, I have only 'close' friend who I kind of strongly dislike too often for my liking but she doesn't know ( yeah, yeah I'm a bitch). I'm awfully disorganized and though I've made schedules, task lists , bought planners and shit like that, I can't seem to get organized.

I hate my body and my face to be honest more often these days and feel gross when I look at them. I seem to repell people and don't make friends easily. God, very few people talk to me in school like in a friend way and that bothers me, but I push away the two girls who are nice people and friends of mine.

I hate it when I cry and often hit myself on the head repeatedly if I do. And I fantasize about cutting myself and sometimes dream up different ways to kill myself. (I've recently became interested in the idea of sticking my head in a oven and inhaling plenty of carbon monoxide.) And those are only a fraction of the details of my useless and miserable life. By the way, I don't believe I'm depressed. I think I'm a self-pitying bitch, but I don't want to be like that anymore. Any tips on how to be a nice, neat, organized and normal person would be greatly appreciated.