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Should I leave him?

Here’s a good one. At least for me, it’s been occupying all my thoughts for a while now. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years, we are both 29. On the one hand, he is absolutely super. When things go well, I can honestly say, wthout doubt that he’s the one for me. On the other hand, he didn’t have a good childhood and he still carries the pain from it. He knows he has to do the work to put it behing him but he has yet to do it. In turn, this has hurt our relationship because he has developed a really bad protention system and he can be really hurtful when he’s hurt. We have tried to work it out and have an appointment with a counselor next week.

The problem is that I am now 8 weeks pregnant. Of course, this is a surprise pregnancy. My opinion is that as grown ups, we have to face up to our responsibilities and make the best of it. He says he’s not ready to be a father and that he’s not ready to face his past either, he doesn’t want me to keep it. I find this unacceptable as we have been together for four years and I think he should be an adult and face his responisbilites for himself, our relationship and the baby.

We are still debating the issue. If he says he won’t face his responsibilities, I want to leave him. Yes he did have a difficult childhood but he wasn’t abused or anything, he just comes from a broken home with an absent dad and a mother that tried her best. That’s all… I’Ve seen people overcome much greater pain… It seems to me he’s just being a coward. What do you think?

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Answer #1

I personally agree with you 100%,that he should face up to his responsibilities. I’d think since he came from a broken home it would inspire him more to look after a child of his own to the best of his abilities. Now I can’t answer this because I could have a different opinion than you, but I personally believe that abortion is wrong, and you should keep your baby and raise it to the best of your abilities. If he doesn’t want it, then maybe he is too irresponsible and doesn’t deserve to be with you or the baby. You should tell him your feelings and have him make a choice. Or an alternative, maybe he could visit the baby from a ‘friend’ perspective and have this kind of relationship until he’s ready to comit to you and your child. Best of luck! hope this helped.

Answer #2

Dear charlie279,

KEEP THE BABY!!! Even if he never faces the responsibility I am know that you wont be sorry for keeping him or her.

I agree with you that he needs to grow up, and you are very right when you say that people have over come more then what he has to over come, the only thing that I can say about that is this people only know what they are faced with if he has never been faced with anything more then that then yeah he is not going to know anything more. I mean how can we know more then we are selves have been put through? He is scared I think of his past…either that or he is just using it as an excuss. But he might just not know how to deal with it…past baggage is not an easy thing to get rid of trust me on that I know there is a lot i am dealing with. THe thing is I kow that by dealing with it not only am I healing but my life will be a lot better…and it wont cause as many issues or well possible issues in what ever relationships I may end up in.

Four years..well that is almost common law in some states. He should be taking responsablity…I mean come on he has been with you that long and so he must really care about you.

I am glad to here that you are going to see a councellor…( my spelling sucks sorry) but that is great. I am sure he or she will be able to help you a lot more then any one here, None the less it is good that you are seeking advice and help.

I am not to sure what to tell you really…I am thinking that he will change is his mind as well as that he is in a shocked scared state.I mean he is facing a lot right now…becoming a father having his relationship placed on the line..and then considering what happened in his childhood that is mostly an issue at the time too.

I sucks his father was not in his life…I wonder if he is going to do the same thing to his child…you should ask him that? Ask him if he liked it. His Dad no being a par of his life…well he mostly is scared he does not know how to be a good father…or that he doesn’t want to be one because of his.

I wish the two of you the best. And I will keep you both in Prayer.

DARK WOLF

Answer #3

It’s a good thing that you are being mature about the situation and realize that your unborn baby is more important to you than your boyfriend’s issues! Hopefully the counseling will work, but if it doesn’t go well, you should take a break from him and go live with your parents or someone else while you are pregnant and in your absence, he will realize that you and the baby are the most important things in his life and that he should focus on the future, not the past! Good luck with your pregnancy!

Answer #4

He is just being a coward. Unless he was repeatedly abused and traumatized, he needs to work it out already. Does he really want to hold onto this and keep blaming this his whole life? His problem is simple, he doesnt want to take responsibilty for anything so he is hanging onto the past as a way to blame it for his lack of security. He needs to realise he is nearly 30, a grown man! grow up and take responsiblity for your actions or he could face losing you and ending up alone and realising his mistakes when its too late! couselling is a great idea, hopefully it works out something for you.

Should I leave him?

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