I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years , we started since 2007, we loved each other very much. I’m a 24 years old Chinese girl, from Shanghai. He is 32 years old Peruvian, from Lima. We met each other 3 years ago when he just came to China. The first 6 months, we were very happy , hang out, short term travel around Shanghai…but this just for us, my parents didn’t allow since they know his exist, so most of the time I hide from them when I was with my boyfriend, and my boyfriend didn’t feel happy also…later he changed the job, went to HongKong for 1 year, during that one year, we talked in skype every day, (I didn’t go with him). He came back to Shanghai to visit me every one month. I felt very happy when he came to me, but I was not sure if I loved him very deep, I guess no, because I’m a girl who cannot fall in love so easily and cannot break up so easily as well. When he was in Hong kong, he talked to my dad one time (I do translation), he said he want to engage me, but my dad refused him cause he can not afford a house in Shanghai, and my parents want to give me a guarantee and a visible and promising future , they think foreigners are very unstable, so they refused him very firmly, that conversation between my boyfriend and my father had no result finally. That moment we were together almost 2 years. In 2009, he quit the job in HK and came back to Shanghai for me. He started his own business aim to buy a house in Shanghai. But at the same moment I found out by chance that he had betrayed me (he slept with the whore) when he lived in HK…It drive me crazy, I quarreled with him, fight with him, humiliate him, even beat him. But I didn’t leave him, he beg me forgive, also I felt I can not leave him already, my love to him already very deep at that moment...I decided to forgive him. Because I try to understand him---because I never had sex with him so he did that , But every time when we kiss or hug . I remember those things, I felt he was very dirty and then I get upset .. so we always fight even for a very tiny thing, I always beat him and find a quarrel in a straw, I thought he owe me and always will owe me all his life, so he had to spend all his life just be guilty…in my parents side, my boyfriend remembered all the festival like their birthday, father’s day or mother’s day , he prepared the gift for them and try to invite them for dinner, but my parents still refuse, these things can hurt him but I didn’t realize because he never show unhappy , just a little disappointed when he was refused…that bad situation last for almost 1 year, we fight almost every week, I beat him and shout at him in public, stop him to work saying he will chat with girl online again (he did part time job online) , actually during this 1 year, his career was very bad, he was fired by the full time job, so he didn’t have salary for a long time, and his business was also stop, and his another part time job online trading got a lot of obstacles, and I quarreled with him every day...but he tolerated me again and again, treated me more carefully everyday, he did whatever I want, he just followed me… In 2010, he got a new job, we were very happy—finally we can save money to buy the house… in March, my parents patience was completely shot cause I always went out with him and I don’t want to see any guys they introduced to me, they thought my boyfriend was wasting my time. So my parents asked him to talk, demand him to buy a house in Shanghai or leave me… he said he don’t have so much money to afford a house, my parents suggest him borrow money from his family and pay the first payment in the end of this year. But before he buy the house, I still can not be so close to him. He agreed…just in the April---one month after talk with my parents, everything changed, he start to be very indifferent to me, he prefer to stay at home doing his own business, he doesn’t smile so much when he see me, suddenly, he told me he want to go back to his country, because at his own country he can develop more and have a stable life, he said he was tired of the life here, and tired to be beated everyday, tired to be isolated by colleagues just because he can not speak Chinese…he doesn’t have anything now (he spend almost all his saving during the time he don’t have job and invest in his business) he also told my parents about his idea, he said he can not see his own future, he won’t buy a house, he don’t want to spend 20 years just return the loan… they got furious, they said to me: “we warned you 3 years ago this guy is not the person you can count on, you will not be happy to be with him, he change so fast, now he doesn’t have any sincere to be with you. he doesn’t want to give you any guarantee. He was just playing with you, you must separate with him or we stop relationship with you…in future you will lost out and regret really.” I feel very sad, I insist to say my boyfriend was really loving me, and I want to be with him, my dad get very furious, finally they compromise, they agree even if he doesn’t buy a house, but he has to deposit his monthly salary to my bank account to save for him, then buy the house when we have enough money , so that way also can show his sincere, but he refused, he said he must take decision for his own money, during the recent conversations, my dad always sneer at him, shout at him , even my dad said he will expel him out of China, I can stand his bad temper because I already get used to , but my boyfriend got explored… he decided to go back finally. I begged him to stay, he told me he hate my parents, he won’t never see them again. He said my parents just want money from him. My parents also don’t want to see him again they think he is cheating me. But for me, everything is misunderstanding, my parents just want me have a good future without worry about material things, they won’t take any money from him or me, and that he is not rich. For me to find a rich guy is very simple. But for me love is more important than money. Now my question is: 1. If he really love me or just cheat me ? 2. He ask me to go with him and live in Peru, and then we work together and build a stable life, and we get marry in 2-3 years, but he has to be the head of us , he will be in charge of everything, and he must control his own money, but for sure if I go, I will cut everything with my parents, and they will get very sad, even my dad health is not good. In addition, I’m the only child in family. 3. this is a very serious decision for me , very hard, I have to choose one, my parents and boyfriend will never accept each other, I’m very confuse, his attitude is ,everything up to me, I’m the decision maker, he just told me he wants to take me to Peru and he still love me, he said he will not see me again until the day we go to his embassy to apply go to Peru…he become very cold now. I don’t know why. He doesn’t love me anymore??? 4. I’m very confused now, I don’t know what to do ,what decision I should make, please help me
You should not be with a man who wants to make every decision and be in charge of everything. You should not leave your family for a man who has not proven that being with him will make your life better. It sounds like your parents were waiting for him to prove himself and after 3 years he still hadn't. The fact that he had so many different jobs in 3 years is very alarming not to mention the time he was unemployed. Life in Peru may not be better. There has to be a reason he left there and it most likely isn't good.
