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Tangled in the web of love
My Heart no longer belongs to me,
It has been tangled up in the web of love, never to return.
My heart has been stolen,
like a victim snatched away by its prey.
Yet, I feel no emptiness because in the exchange of my heart,
I have received the heart of another.
Not just any heart but a heart that solely beats for me,
in a way that is so indescribable and so unspeakable it is beyond words.
Continuously, the essence of the beat of the heart echoes passionately but silently
through out my body while simultaneously
sending shivers to every square inch of my temple.
Slowly I have become a slave to the essence
that now slays me with its indescribable ways, because
I am tangled in the web of love.
Jaysus I didn't know you were only 14! In that case, pretty good for your age. My apologies. But I just tell it like it is with poetry I'm a harsh judge, but I don't mean to offend. But your poem is like others, very similar to ones I've seen in terms of structure and subject matter. Find your own poetic voice, and best of luck.
It's awesome!!! I would never have guessed you're only fourteen. Just one piece of advice: maybe don't try quite so hard with the vocabulary, I mean, just let the words flow naturally, like when you're talking; try to make it a little less "wordy", if you know what I mean. Definitely keep writing poems! Good Luck!
umm hold up im only 14 on my sisters account so your kinda bein a lil harsh...but when you say u've seen a lot worse your callin my poem bad and I dats kinda rude but you have you own opinion...and my poem is like no other so please dont compare mine...
-Yonna
vocabulary is very impressive and I have to disagree, I thought it was fabulous, I used to be ableto relate when I loved my boyfriend (now ex) it was really good, I thought it flowed nicely and definitly had a lot of meaning, good job :)
thnx pplz for your constructive criticism and kind words! =) ill try and striaghten some things out and make it more original! thnx! =)
Its a bit OTT in terms of subject matter, quite derivative, but I've read a lot worse all the same.
Vocabulary is impressive, but the structure and rhythm are unsatisfactory.
Wow, it has a lot of passion. I think it's amazing.
