Parenting question

My question is a little detailed so hang in there with me. I have a 2 1/2 year old. I am a first grade teacher and have worked since she was 4 months old. She has always gone to my sisters house while I work. previously my sister’s children started school and she is ready to get back into the work force, so I had to find a new babysitter. I decided to take my child to my best friend’s babysitter that she uses. the lady is state licensed. I asked her the usual questions before leaving my daughter in her care. My number one question was her form of discipline. She told me she only uses a time out system and I said great cause that is what we do at home as well. after 6 days of leaving my child in her care, my daughter came home and told me that she was spanked and it hurt very bad and she cried. I obviosly called the babysiter and asked her what happened. She said that three children were arguing and she pattted all three of them on the rearend because she was not sure which one was to blame. I talked to her and said well I would prefere if you use the time out system that we talked about. She said she normally does but it was a busy day. I figured okay give her the benefit of the doubt and my daughter is smart enough to tell me if it happens again and plus my best friend has used her for over 7 months and has not hand a problem. (her child is 9 months old). so I took paige back the next day and the babysitter told me that she was giving me a weeks notice because she does not like to be questioned and will not be questioned about what she does with the children and she spanks at her house and will not get in trouble for it. so I said no thanks I will take my daughter now, I don’t need a weeks notice. I left in tears and was so upset to think she can tell me that I have no right to question my daughter. I came home and talked it over with my husband and he was furious. We called dcfs on her to let them know what happened. my question is first of all did we do what was right? second of all, the worst part of the story is, I have lost my best friend. from all of this, which we did not even once tell her we called dcfs, she just figured we did, she said we had no right to do what we did and she is so mad at us that she will not talk to us at all. She also delivered flowers to the babysiter the next day because she feels so bad that we did this to the babysitter. I need some advice from an outsider that is not biased on the situation. I am so hurt and saddened first of all because of what happened to our daughter, and second of all because of how my best friend treated me. does she have a right to be that angry and mad at me? In my opinion it did not even involve her, it was our situation. Am I right or wrong? Any advice would help.

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Answer #1

Dear chrissybontz, First of all congratulations on calling children’s services. Now I am going to express some concern over the idea of you even thinking to bring your child back after this women spanked her??? This is corporal punishment and although a small spanking is allowed it is only allowed by the parent. She broke the law. Your friends child is 9 months old unable to tell if she’s been slapped. If your best friend did not pull her child that very second then “SHAME ON HER”. You did the right thing and please never, ever second guess about the safety of your child. I understand it leaves you in a mess about finding a sitter but that is a small price to pay for the safety of your daughter. You’ll work that part out and abuse at this age may stick with her for a long while. Again…you did the right thing and I’m sorry your friend does not have the common sense to see what has just happened. Your child always must come first. Sue…good luck

Answer #2

You did the right thing all the way around. First of all, someone who is licensed should welcome parent input AND parent questions. They are trained to handle situations such as yours. Obviously, this sitter thinks she knows everything and is not to be questioned. It’s a red flag when a provider acts as she did. I am surprised your friend did not begin to wonder what may be happening to her 9 month old after this incident. Don’t worry about the friednship, if she’s going to act like that, she’s not worth it. Besides, she’s probably upset because now she has to consider finding a new sitter - that is, if she even thinks about what may be happening to her 9 month old who cannot express herself verbally. Ten bucks the baby cries when her mother drops her off at the sitter’s house. A sure sign she should not be leaving her there. Your friend will come around. Pray for her, pray for the 9 month old, pray for all the children in the sitter’s care, and pray for the sitter.

Answer #3

you did the right thing its your kid and she doesnt tell you how she punishes your kid you tell her also your friend has no right to get mad at you its your kid and if she were really your best friend she wouldnt take sides.!!! you WERE RIGHT

Answer #4

I know you did the right thing always protect your children! children should never be spanked from a babysitter what does that teach them? And as for your friend I’m sorry but that is not how a best friend is suppose to treat you she should be backing you up 100%. That is what a best friend is for. I’m sorry but she is a loser! YOU GO GIRL!! take care,

Answer #5

You did what was right! Way to go. Just think of what has happened to the other kids, especially if she told you not to question her. You did the right thing, yeah your friend is going to be mad but only because she has gotten to know her and think she is a good person. Who knows, maybe she does that to her kid but tells it not to tell, and if it does she might spank it again? You know. Your friend way overreacted and she owes you an apology.

hope I helped, xoxo :)

Answer #6

I think you did the right thing by taking your daughter away from the sitter because she did something that was against the rule, She said herself that she would not spank the kid, that she would use time out instead, but she didn’t! I know that kids get tough at times, but that does not give you the right to put your hands on them. My opinion is that this babysitter uses spanking more than she likes to admit. She’s also getting away with it because no one has questioned her about it. Your daughters safety should be your first priority and you have demonstrated that by taking her away from the sitter. What you did was in the best interest of your child and possibly those other ones who haven’t come forward yet.

Answer #7

Did you notice someone else is raising your daughter ? - children learn what they live.

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