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Need Something To Replace Forbidden Love

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I am a college student and don't really have any close friends and want to fall in love but I feel like I am transparent and everyone can see my weird, controversial, somewhat forbidden ideas. I have never had a relationship and I used to be in love with a boy I would not be allowed to be with and part of me wants to be forced so I stop loving the other boy that I'm not allowed to love and also I really want to fall in love, any ideas? I know I'm being vague about the boy im not allowed to be with but thats not really what this is about, I feel so empty inside I need to find a boyfriend and I really want him to be assertive.