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My usless excuse for a mother!

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OK sooo my mum is a twat and I dont need to go into the ins an outs of it but im 13 and I need her shes 47 and I havnt seen her for 4 years because she got involved with a man in the drugs line Hes ded because of this now but my mum isnt sooo I want to see her but my daddie who is AMAZING has said no for my safety because I almost got vry ill when I was liccle because I got so stressed out for gods sake I had to call an ambulance at 6! several times! but I need her you know because shes my mummy bud dad said not till im 16 but I cant wait another 3 years. I need her! shes silly but still my mum and its making me deeply depressed and affecting everything dont just say tlk 2 ure dad and dont worry im getting counciling but now wht do I do I know there all looking out 4 me BUT IM NOT GETTING A F'ING SAY AT ALL AND ITS MY LIFE I always feel guilty when I tlk bout her because shes done so many bad things but I am only small still I guess but I need 2 know wht ure advice is FAST!