My poem.

I can’t go on anymore, go on with all this bullsh*t Everything is burning in flames around me Getting ruined, falling to the ground in ashes No time to rewind Do it all right again This time I know for sure each thing is my mistake My promise broken This time a night out won’t brighten up my day A spliff and a bottle of wine might work for the moment But how soon until it all comes back? The only thing I know is that I can’t sleep at night I can’t think or pretend to be okay anymore! You were the one I could confine(?) in, My best friend Now you have your back turned on me Was it what I did? I’m such a stupid girl, Each time you said I was perfect the way I am made me boil up inside You try to comfort me but it doesn’t work I’m screaming now I need a way out Everything is happening way too fast, Way too soon and I’m just not ready.

Please just go away Please just don’t talk to me. Please I don’t want to pretend anymore Please just leave me, walk away Please come back to me, with open arms when I’m in a better place Please tell me about those better days Its all just too much, ready to give in. Enslaved to a world that never gave a sh*t anyway.

comment? please don’t be nasty, I just want to know if the structures good etc, or how it could be improved. thankkies. x

Answer #1

It’s not quite poetry in motion - in other words, I think it would work better as a song than a poem.

It definitely speaks it’s intentions loud and clear…it just lacks some rhythm, and it has a little too much hostility. It makes people wary of the poem’s direction.

It’s a good start though - imaginative, clear…has all the workings of a good tale

Answer #2

I see the poetry in this and its good. and most poetry can be turned into a song but I think this is a great poem.

Answer #3

Wowwey, lots going on there! I like it, but it isn’t like a poem to me. More of a song. But I like it!!! No screw that, I love it! I want some more of it,LOL!

Answer #4

dunno

the first thing I thought of when I saw it was “rap”

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