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Moving into boyfriend's parent's house

I am 24, soon to be 25, who lives at home with my mom and help her with the household bills, ect… I am in a loving, committed relationship with my boyfriend who also lives at home with his parents but doesn’t contribute like I do at my home. We have made the decision to move out of our parent’s home(s) and move in together. The problem is I have no money saved up, none! My boyfriend does have some money saved but I dont want the financial burden to be on him solely. Since I help my mom out so much financially for the past ten years I haven’t been able to save up some money (for a downpayment, ect…). I am in the process of moving in with him (and his folks) for a few months to save up some money in order to be financially stable again and have money to contribute to the home we plan on buying. My mom is completely disgsuted by the idea, she says I have lost my morals and respect for moving in with him (and his family). Her hangup is that I am moving out of my “home” to move in with my boyfriend at his “home”. I have tried to explain to her its for financial reasons and that at the rate I am going I may never be able to move out bc she will continue to need me to help her. Am I being selfish for moving out and putting my mom is this type of situation to handle everything on her own especially since I will be moving in with someone else’s parents?

I love my mom so much but I need to love myself now and make the right decision for me.

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Answer #1

As a parent, I would be disappointed at the ‘shacking-up’ idea and not doing it right - rather have you and your boyfriend working to get financially stable, marriage, then place of your own - not popular nowadays but what I believe to be right.

Answer #2

thanks ichibanarky and seao2florida for the words of support. HAHA he stayed at home to save money versus pay rent he is also only 25. We would love to buy a small house or a condo to start… build some equity then go a little bigger… my boyfriend has mentioned fixer-upers but we shall see… we dont even have enough for a DP yet so its hard looking at places, you know (right now) you can’t afford…

I hope my mom realizes that this is what makes me happy.

Answer #3

I’ve been in various situations where I lived with a boyfriend, and none of them were stable. In the end, as an unmarried female, I wasnt happy until I had my own. I hope everything works out for you and your man, but make sure you maintain your own savings when you move in with him, and I hope you have sense enough to know you have to do that for your peace of mind and security, since youre not married. Your mother is going to have to learn to support herself, and you havent had a chance to get your life going yet! The ONLY time you take care of your parents is when theyre so old they cant do it themselves. Your mom is right in not liking the unmarried-moving-in-together situation, but shes also trying to cover up her selfish and lazy use of your financial help. Tell her to get a man!

Answer #4

It sounds like your mother is thinking about her own needs here. She doesn’t want you to move out because you contribute so much and she’s afraid she won’t be able to make it without you. It’s actually quite selfish on her part, since, at your age, you’re well on your way to making your own decisions in life.

Do what you need to. You’re an adult now and need to live your own life. Your mother is going to have to learn to let go - it’s time for the chicks to leave the nest.

Answer #5

I agree with ichibanarky, time to move on. Not sure why your mom can’t support herself, but at 24 you have a life to begin, outside of your mother’s home, so does your boyfriend. I admire a woman who is willing to take on a guy who still lives with his mom!!

Don’t know what you are saving towards, we did it small at first, apartments, bought a “fixer upper” and traded up each time with a lot of sweat equity in the places. Don’t keep saving for the dream house.

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