How can I convince my mom to give me more freedom? She doesn't let me go out or anyone come over mon. -- thurs. And then during the weekend she has to know exactly where I"m at. I mean I know shes my mom but she is overprotected.
When you become a parent you will be thankful for her "overprotectiveness" because you will understand where it came from. She cares about you a great deal, if she didn't, you'd be able to do whatever, whenever. When I was younger I had the same problem. Then I got put in fostercare and realized how much freedom I really had. Just an idea of what I dealt with from the time I was 12 until I was almost 17, I had one hour of freedom a week, if I worked hard enough, was passing my classes, and followed all the rules.
If you want more freedom, show you're responsible. I assume you're still in school, do you do well? If you don't, try to improve. If you do, try making deals. Say you have a test on Tuesday in history (history was my worst subject, so I'm just going to pretend it's yours too for this example). Let her know about it as soon as you find out. Study for it in front of her, and even ask her to quiz you on some of the answers so you'll get them right for extra points. If you get a B, a friend can come over to watch a movie and snack on popcorn or other snacks with you. If you get an A, they can watch a movie, and hang out a little while longer, like maybe stay until or for dinner.
If you have chores around the house, make another deal. If you do all your chores consistantly, a friend can come over for like an hour one day out of the week. It's not much, but if you keep it up, the time and frequency may increase. Also, add on to your chore load. If she's cooking dinner, and you don't have to help, but you have some free time, help her out. If you can tell she's exhausted, switch the laundry over for her without her asking you to. Volunteer to do the dinner or weekend dishes.
Another big one, open up communication. Let her in on how your day went. If you are in school, tell her funny things that happened with friends or teachers. If you work, tell her about a crazy customers demands. Ask her for advice if you and a friend get into an arguement. Letting her in on your life will help her trust you more, and see that you see her as an authority figure, and a friend.
When you do have your friends over, try not to just go straight to your room, or avoid your mom at all costs. Spend some time talking with her with your friends around. She'll get to know them, and how your friendships are. Her problem giving you freedom may be because she doen't know your friends, what their interests are like she knows you and your interests.
It is only fair for her to know where you are at when you aren't with her. She spent time carrying you while pregnant, and caring for you throughout your life. She loves you, and wants to know you are safe. If you want more freedom, if there has been a change of plans while your out, let her know about it, and make sure it is ok with her. Say you are at one friends house, but you want to go to another's. Call her, ask her and give her their phone number to their house so she can reach you if she needs to. If she says no, don't whine, just accept it. It will help her see that you are able to accept her decisions, and help her see you are becoming more of an adult.
Mostly, you have to prove you're responsible, and can handle yourself like an adult. Even if you don't get all the freedom you want, you should slowly begin to earn some. Good luck with your mom, and I hope you both get what you want.
overprotective, child please!
growing up I could NEVER have anyone come over to my house, and NEVER stay out past 9... I moved out of my home to get some freedom...
now being a parent I understand what mine were trying to do... keep you safe from anything that could harm you; drugs, alcohol, boys, strangers, friends, and sometimes yourself...
you already have Freedom you are taking for granted. thank Her for that!
I agree with Angel comment above... take the first step. Let her know you can abide by her rules AND try to NOT have a problem with those... basically give in willingly...
I promise you will see a change in her reaction to you. she may not give you more freedom to go out and bring friends over during the week, but I can guarantee she will trust you more and give you other liberties that you've never had. the effort is small... but makes a big difference.
Lol, she doesnt sound unreasonable. My friend is 22 and she cant go out after dark... even on weekends...
But, ok and I know this is going to be a pain, try calling her every couple of hours, or sending her a text when you're out, just saying hi, and letting her know you're ok. This will tell her that not only are you responsible, but you know she worries about you and you keep that in mind...
If you make the first gesture without her having to nag you about it, she may be willing to make a couple of compromises (what do you have to lose?)
I know your first instinct is to balk at this supposed loss of freedom and privacy, and all you really want is independance, but this may just get you a friend over occasionally during the week, maybe an occasional break in curfew...
It is the mother who doesn't care who ends up burying her children. Who are you comparing your mother to? Your mother is doing her job, the mother's who allows their children to run wild is the mother who has given up. Try looking at things a little differently by not comparing her to someone else but look at it as...I'm gaining her trust now, she is doing her job and is doing it well.
Thats why mums are for, would you feel better if she wont care at all for you ?? would you - dont think so, my mum does care for me and I simply tell her where I go before she will ask me, so she will gain my confidence.
I think you are lucky because your mother cares for you!!!
An observation: Given today's world, I'm not sure a Mom or Dad can be overly protective !!
Haha, and they don't get any better as you get older. Well, at least mine hasn't. lol