matters of the mind and heart

hi, I need some sensible advice. you need to bear with me becasue this is hard to explain. I have been in two major relationships in my life, the 1st was with barry and it lasted 3yrs, in that time we lived together, were engadged and had a child together, he was abusive once but genrally was loving, I was in love with him until I had my child, then I stayed with him for the sake of our child. two years ago I met a man named chris, barry and I had been split up a few month and I fell in love with chris, it lasted almost two years and in that time we lived together. he was very abusive, mentally, physically and emotionally, he hurt me so bad that I had to leave my town to take a break as he had already caused me to be suicidle and I needed to get away. I was gone three month and when I returned it was barry who helped me put my life back together but we didnt get back together and I still didnt love him. I was still in love with chris and it didnt take him long to get me back. things were great , he wasnt abusive this time around and everything seemed perfect. but as he had cheated on me a lot in the past I ended it, I couldnt take any more. that was eight month ago, I havent seen him since but im in love with him so much it hurts. I cant get over this guy at all, in the meantime a few month ago I got back with barry, it wasnt out of love it was because it was what our child wanted, I barely let him touch me never mind anything else. I have my own place with our child and he has his, but he always stays at mine and wont leave. chris has moved back in with his mum and took his new younger girlfriend with him, im 21 shes 18. the thing is this girl looks likes me, in everyway, he asks questions about me to people all the time. I changed my appearence because of this…..my point is, im with someone I dont love and I love someone I dont want to love and I want to be with them, but I avoid him like the plague. what should I do? please help, I have no where else to turn….with thaniks, cheryl