made this poem some tips on writing...?

okay, so, I’ve made this poem and wondered if anyone could give me some tips on writing…

You said to smile at your words you noticed songs of the birds my heart jumped faster when you left taking away my last few breaths

It’s cold here, without your arms the coldness hurts my soft, warm palms my mind was washed, in the rain my heart was crushed, with the pain

You stay fine, with nothing lost I, myself, pay the ultimate cost my life was worth nothing less when all good things came to rest.

thanks :)…

Answer #1

thank you so much guys, I’ve only just started writing poetry, thanks for all your help :)

Answer #2

I think its lovely. You can’t really give tips on writing because when you write.. it has got to be completely you. It’s like giving the world a window into your mind. Nice work though : )

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