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is this a deceent poem?

past a thousand oceans ill come to you just to hold you up when you fall

not a thousand words can decribe the feelings I have for you or the crazy things I would do just to have you by my side

I could make your darkness fade I can help you come alive just let me be with you just let me try

to show you love for all you know is not enough because loneliness is dread id rather be dead then be stuck in this world without you.

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Answer #1

hhhm try this one it’s a bit truer to the original but I hope you’ll find it flows better.

through a thousand oceans ill swim to you (swim instead of come) just to hold you up when you fall

not a thousand words can decribe the way I feel for you or the crazy things I would do just to be nearer to you

I could make your darkness fade away I could help you come alive (you’ve gotta be consistant either could or can) just let me be with you just let me try

(either take to love you out or the pace inbetween) for all you know is not enough for there will be a day and a time when my wisdom will out grow yours

because loneliness is dread because to live in this world and never have known you id rather to never had lived at all!

I dunno its an ok edit but it could have been better.

I have another suggestion, leave the poem for a while than come back in a week or so and see if there is anythng you want to change.

Answer #2

um..I dont think it flows very nicely, its a nice thing to write for someone, except the whole dieing part…thats not something I would really tell the person I love.

Answer #3

some parts rhyme some dont, like what was just sed it doesn’t completely flow but the meaning of it is good … just modify or change some of it and I think it will turn out good

Answer #4

To lift you up When you fall A thousand oceans I would pass.

Let me be by your side To fade the darkness I can help it subside

Please let me try

A thousand words Cannot describe How I feel for you Stay by my side

Let me be by your side To fade the darkness I can help it subside

Please let me try

Loneliness is dreaded Alone I lie Let me show you love I cannot deny.

… It’s a lovely poem… everyone said it should be tweaked a bit… I editted it a bit… Though you have something going there… Keep at it!

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