I talked to my mom lastnight but it didnt work what do I do?

She instantly started objecting every word I said about being bi like she can control everything I feel or say…can she?

Answer #1

You have to understand, when you said you were bi, immediately her mind went blank. All she could think of was the word no. You arguing with her is beyond pointless because all her mind is focusing on is, this isnt happening, this cant be happening, and then whatever other stupid stereotypes or things she’s thinking about (am I a bad mother, what are people going to say, how are people going to treat him), I mean underneath it all there’s care and concern about your wellbeing, but it’s too stuck to be reasonable or ready for a further discussion. Your mother has thoughts and feelings too. If you want to get anywhere with her, you’re going to have to remember that. If she needs to pretend that you’re straight, then maybe that is her way of coping for now. Trying to shove it down her throat is not going to help anyone, and will probably seriously backfire. For now, I’d let it go. Now that’s what you should do concerning your mother (behavior).

Your thoughts and feelings are your own (cognitions and emotions), they are a whole seperate thing. No one can dictate how you think or feel about things, and parents like to tell their kids what they should and shouldnt be feeling, and that isnt right. I mean all parents do it “dont feel bad because they said something mean”, “you shouldnt be angry”. Parents do it because they think they’re comforting their kids or protecting their kids. Problem is it is very often not helpful. You cant help having the feelings you have. And they’re not wrong.

Answer #2

she cant control what you say if thats what you mean and she doesnt need to keep passing it off as nothing

Answer #3

in time she woukd just have to accept it. You can’t be someone you know you’re not. I suggest you give her time, your revelation is something hard to digest for a mom. also, just understand her if she feels this way.. you might not agree with what she’s saying but she may just be emotionally charged as of the moment that’s why she said those things. When things cool off, maybe you can start a mature conversation with her about it.

Answer #4

Of course she can’t.

She can’t change who you are, but that doesn’t mean she has to accept it. Eventually, you’ll be able to move out and live your own life without your mother passing judgment on you, but for the time being, it’s probably best if you just try to avoid bringing up the subject with her if it makes her uncomfortable…hopefully in time, she’ll learn to accept it.

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