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I just need someone to listen and some advice

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first I'm going to say this is long and if you want to help me read it all.
and sorry for the spelling/grammer

First I’m(Braden) 15 about to be 16. In the past 3 ½ months my life has went from great happy go lucky to crap. First I found out my dad was cheating on my mom. I didn't tell my mom for almost a month but it was destroying me inside( I lost 35lbs and I was having nightmares) I told my dad I knew first, he threaten me to not tell her. I finally told her. the had a huge fight for 2 days then my dad left with saying he hated me. (haven't seen or spoken to him since) my mom is blaming for the split saying if I was a better son... or if I would have told her when I found out... she told me she hated and wanted nothing to do with me and that I was a selfish person. and the last month and a week she hasn't looked or spoken to me.

To make things worst me brother who has been the medditor is leaving for college in like a month for early enrollment. Since this started I’ve been confused and thinking this is all my fault and etc… like if I were a better son neither of them would leave or hate me.

The one good thing has been my (Alyssa) girlfriend( together for almost 3 years) I love her so much. She knows everything and has been there for me. We started having sex about when everything in my family happened. WE WERE having sex 3-4 a day for about 2 ½ months. Having sex with her made me feel like someone actually loved me you know.

But I stop having sex with her two weeks ago because I felt like a bad boyfriend. She told me that I hadn’t been smiling since the stuff with my family and I hadn’t told her I love her in two months.( I do love her. I finally told her today). I mean she constantly trying to make my feel better and says that she loves me like 100 times a day but I haven‘t been able to tell her I love her back for a while. I use say it to her all the time but… she is also worried about my health and I’m 6’2 and I’ve went from 205 to 135 in like and month and a half.

So I stop having sex with her. I was having nightmares of her cheating on me every night since I found out my dad was cheating. I told her and she said not to worry that she only wanted me. So we stopped the sex and we made promise we wouldn’t have any type of “sex” with anyone but together (so no masturbation). It been driving crazy.

I told my best friend ( a girl: Rose) about my family. She’s been my best friend since the 3rd grade. And since I told her last week she has been very supportive and she been sleeping over my house and I had hers for all this and last week

I can tell my girlfriend is a little hurt from me not spending as much time with her in the past week and I haven’t been able to say I love you to her. My best friend whose sleeping over and stuff we almost kissed and like the other night(her house) she was giving me a lap dance before her mom walked in. another night she slept over (my house) we watching t.v. she started licking her lips(you know what I mean) and it turn me on. and I since I was wearing pj's pants you could see. she saw and she came over and rub "it" twice. It happened so fast. After the second rub jump up and told her to stop and she did but I feel like ### for it happening. yesterday she told me she loved me more than a friend and that is why she is acting this way. And she said she there “for whatever I want” she told me she always be there for me. She said that she has had strong feeling for me for a couple months and has been trying to show me signs. I didn’t pick up on. She said that she would never leave me and would always love me. And she said deep down inside I want her.( also her family is letting me stay at there house when I feel like it)

Two days ago after avoiding my girlfriend and school for this whole week I told my girlfriend everything that happen with Rose and she said that I didn’t cheat since I stoped it and that she was hurt but she knows that I’m confused and that I would never cheat on her. I finally told her I loved her after and she broke down crying. She said she was so happy and want to go out tonight. . I said yes of course then Rose comes up to us tells me she loves me and kisses me on the cheek and they get into a fight over me. I cooled things down. But they refuse to talk to each other and now Alyssa told me she wants me to come live with her family instead of living with Roses family. She also asked me if I had any feelings for Rose and I told her I don’t know. We kissed then I went to talk to Rose And rose said she can be everything I need.
I’m confused from everything and everyone. I don’t know what I want but I do I want my girlfriend and my best friend but not two girlfriends or two best friends. Rose is turning me on and maybe b/c I’m horny or w/e I want sex with her. And I feel safer and much closer to her.
I love her as a best friend and she hot and everything but she’s not my girlfriend. I’m horny and maybe that why she turned me on and I’m confused. But I’m in love with my girlfriend.

I want sex. I been thinking maybe she right maybe I want her maybe I want someone who wont leave me. Or if I start back having sex with my girlfriend I feel like I’m using her. I feel guilty and she deserves better then me. I’m confused from everything. I just feel like I know my rose would never leave me.
What I do about everything? Why is my girlfriend even sticking around. Why do have these nightmares? Why do I want to cheat on her sometimes? did I cheat on her? I’m just like my dad? And why my best friend of all people I want have hot sex with her? I always want to put everyone before me and I care about my girlfriends feelings and if shes hurt I’m hurt but if I moved in with my best friend and her family could she cope? I think I’m selfish maybe I am hurting everyone around me. Hurting my girlfriend/ bff/ brother / mom/ dad am I being selfish

I don’t know whats wrong with me I know people care about me I just don’t feel love I use to feel from anyone
I don’t know what’s wrong with me ? I know people care about me I just don’t feel love I use to feel from anyone.

Thanks for reading this I know its all over the place like my head right now. I would appreciate advice.

thanks