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Hope the length of this won't scare any potential commentators away. lol. I'll try to keep it to a reasonable length]
I've had my stepdad since I was 8. I was basically taken away by my dad and that left me scarred and after meeting my Caucasian stepfather, It made things worse. I mean, my dad (Chinese) took me away at first, but then my mom got me back from Taiwain. I never got a long with my Stepdad from day one. I tried calling him dad once...but it failed and so I've been refering to his name for the pass years. (I'm almost 19 ) I constantly compared him to my dad-- whether it was how he talked to me, treated me, how he made me feel emotionally, and how he would just interact. Nothing of course, was the same. I did give him a chance when I got older, realizing that my childhood resentment towards him was only natural, but when I got into my early teens, I started breaking out into arguements with him--almost everyday. My mom understood, she was supportive-- I was very close to her, still am. I lost contact with my dad in 2000. He's all the way in TAiwain, and I havent seen him since... 1996 I guess.. So I guess that makes things even worse for the relationship I'm trying to build between me and my stepdad. To this day, he always seems to have something to make me hate him for.
NOT like I'm trying.. but he's just this Big Fat Jerk who's ignorant, always in denial, Bad Hygiene, just this complete Mess. Son of an itch! Basically.
Though He and my mom met at Hp company.. so he WAS an appealing guy at first I guess.. but you know what happens to people after marriage. He got a beer belly, he drinks LOTS of soda, buys and cooks for the neighbors all the time... Is a JERK, not sensitive, totally no self awareness about personal hygeine matters.
Like basically a piece of cra[[... but at least he makes good money to support our family...
He gets in arguements with my momm all the time.. he doesn't like being wrong.. He likes showing off... . He thinks hes being this big nice guy int he neighborhood by always doing work for them, buying them drinks... blah blah blah..
but he has no clue that he's being used, or realize that he needs to spend time with the family.. or find things to do on his own to benefit himself or someone other than the neighbors ALL the time.
Plus hes a big shopper.. doesn't save money.. So thank god, as my Mom (asian) haha.. just saying I guess Asian's "supposedly" better at saving or more concerned.. Because all my stepdad does is spend.
Anyway.. My stepdad is just a Loser in my eyes. He doesn't try being a real dad.. I've given him many chances.. and it's just like not having a dad for the past 10 years evven with him in my life.
Can anyone give me suggestions, comments on him, past experiences, or anything about this?
I'm open to all of your opinions, comments and what not.
any at all will be greatly appreciated.
thanks.
Lisa
I think you're kinda hard on him, and maybe even that you expect too much out of him. His hygiene and how he gets along with the neighbors is really none of your business. If your real dad was just as unhygienic or "fat", would you hold that against him? I think just because he's your stepdad, you've got it hardwired into your brain that he's not part of you (and your life), and he will never treat you the way you want him to.
And lets be honest, a lot of dads turn out develop a beer gut and focus less on their appearance as they get older. They don't really need to impress anyone.
I think you should try to see more of the positives, like when you said that he at least brings in good money. At least he doesn't abuse you, at least he tries to talk to you, and at least you have a reasonably good life with good living conditions. Not a lot of kids get that, even with their real dads.
C'mon, focus on your own life and stop judging the poor guy. Remember that your mom still loves him enough to still be with him. He probably still has some redeeming qualities that you don't know about. You're old enough to get out of the house anyway. Go do your own thing. Go catch up with your real dad, even.
I appreciate everyone's comments and I'm open to everything..
but first of all, lol, I am not "crying" second, it's hard to even explain what he's really like in real life.
BUT I totally see what you guys are saying. I do and have tried to see the positive things, but then his negatives come out of no where and totally drown out the good.
Yeah I guess I have to be thankful that he doesn't abuse us or anything, and that he does make money for the family..
Sigh. I guess I alleviate all my anger and stress just postingg about it and having other people pick at my post and give me suggestion.
I feel a lot better. I guess dealing with this stuff is just one of those things you deal with in Life...
Thanks everyone. It really meant a lot to all of you who commented.
anyone else is welcome to comment.
Take care.
Lisa
my step dads a fkn *itch, at first yeah I thought he was a good guy. but once you get to know them fk man .. he was so lazy, was also very unhygenic, drank constantly. a lot of times that he was drunk he would always fight with my mother, sometimes even hit her. I couldnt bare to watch that any longer. but my mum for some reason stays with him.. I now live with my dad ... I guess maybe you can move out but I dont .. im sorry I havent been much of a help at all, but hey there's my past experience.
I've seen friends in this situation. the reason for it may be that he is trying not to replace your real dad and you are being hard on him and he may not know that you want him to be more of a father figure. you should talk to him as 2 adults. if nothing changes tinatoddar4 is right you should just move out and not have a relationship with him. Did you find this helpful?
dude you're an adult now.. if you don't like your stepdad then MOVE OUT! you don't HAVE to have a relationship with him.. you don't even have to get along with him. if he's what your mom wants then let it be. you're an adult so act like one. quit crying and let it go.
I got 5 years left with my A** Licker of a stepdad. Your 19. Ask a friend if you can live with them. YOur old enough to move out. Get out thar and be free man!
