I cant move on

my ex and I worked for the adault industrys(strip clubs)for 5 years, thats were we met. 2 years into our relationship I went back to school and in order to pay for it I did some adult movies and tried to keep it secret from everyone. he found out 1 year later and said I had cheated on him and left me, that was in january of this year. we have 2 kids (neither are biologicaly his) but he is there dad.

I have tried to move on but I cant. we were getting married in september. after being together for 3 years. 

I even started seeing new people to force myself tostop thinking about it but I dont connect with them like I do with my ex it just makes me miss him more. I want him back so bad I miss him. I know he is REALLY hurt and feels betrayed and I appologized again an again. he says he will never take me back because he can’t trust me, but I still have hope because we had the pefect relationship, till I ruined it. can you please help me I dont know if I shoul try to get him back and how or should I continue what im doing and be miserable and sigle

help