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I'm 20 years old so I realise I'm not really as young as the 18 year olds nor am I quite there at the 21 'oh you're an adult' stage.
My parents don't like me spending time outside of the house - it really bugs them that I'm not home once it turns dark. I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend whom I have been dating for a year and a half and whom my father is also in denial about. My mum has said I shouldn't tell my dad about it because it will just make him ridiculously angry.
I was kicked out a few times last year by my dad for coming home late around 11ish or midnight a few times (he's the one that mainly has the issues but I know my mum isn't very happy when I'm not home) but my mum never actually let him fully shove me out of the house. But I decided after a few explosive and verbal abusive outbursts from my dad that it would probably be healthier for everyone if I moved out for a bit. I treated it as a break from my parents - and my mother supported me when I did move out because she knew the situation at home was getting worse.
So I was living in student housing for about 8-9 months and I had a job so I could pay for most of my own things but my mum did help me out as well. And the family situation improved. But I had to move back home at the end of 2007 for a bit because my lease at student housing ended and so I had to find a different place. The first day I moved back - my dad chucked a massive fit (for reasons unknown - I think something about how I was a useless daughter for not helping them out at their workplace [they own their own company, wanted me to help, but I had uni and my own job to deal with]) and I got kicked out again and he said I had to find a different place. So I did - but recently he has changed his mind and wants me back but still with certain 'conditions'.
To cut an extremely long story short: I am still at home and living under my 'dad's reign of his house his rules' (he decided he wanted me to continue living at home to keep my mum company) I quit my job and am now working for my parents instead (which I know makes them happier) - but I no longer want to continue living at home, because I can support myself out of home and have already experienced living independently. But when I'm living at home, there's a lot of things I can't do - stay out late, sleepover at friend's place, and spend time with my boyfriend.
I'm not planning on doing the immature thing of moving out with my boyfriend, because I know that would aggravate my parents more and besides I still need my own space. But I do spend a lot of time with him and he is an important part of my life along with my family and friends.
The problem now is I don't know how to break it to my parents that I want to move out, and it was different last time because my dad kicked me out so many times before it made things easier. I don't want to make my relationship with my parents worse but I don't think I can really be the good daughter they want if I continue living at home and I miss the ability to make decisions on my own without having to ask my parents permission to do anything. it has been frustrating me for so long I need some advice :(
Are there any cultural issues here? Your dad does seem overly protective and a bit irrational to me. Sounds like you've got it all figured out as far as independence. And once a child has moved away and experienced that freedom, it can be hard to move back home and suddenly be that "chlld" again.
Do you happen to know what's behind your dad's reluctance to let you be on your own? Are you sure it's just to keep your mum company or something else? A safety issue? Does he think you'll lead an immoral life? Does he think you won't be able to afford it?
Is there an uncle or an aunt or someone else you're close to who your family has respect for? Sometimes a favourite aunt can be a good ally.
Can you put together a budget to show them? Something that shows how much you earn a month and what your expenses are going to be? Maybe that would make them feel more comfortable. If you're worried that dad has a bit of a temper and you won't even be able to broach the subject without shouting and agressive behaviiour, what about going out somewhere and discussing it, like a coffee place?
You sound like a very level headed person...I am proud of you!...but your parents are not going to be able to keep you their prisoner...you make your decision and stick to your guns...expect a lot of water works ...you know how your momma is,mine was too...but you got to understand that the only way for them to know beyond a shadow of a doubt you will be ok is if you do it!Don't stay out all night, it makes you look like something you arn't . Do it ona time schedule..when you give your parents a date you are leaving ...give yourself enough time for them to get used to the idea before you leave...and then GO FOR IT GIRL! AND GET THAT LIFE YOU DESERVE...GOOD IDEA IS GO TO CHURCH
That sucks, compare my parents you yours its plain obvious that mine a more laid back & care free even though they are strict and uptight.
Just leave, your obviously not entirley happy with the situation. SO just go... move in with a friend, or get another job (do odd jobs) buy yourself an apartment or something then just leave...
I understand what your going through. And yes it is that hard "loveyoubabe". I dont want to destroy the relationship between my parents and I, but I've had enough of their bullshit and I wish to move out. Im still trying to find a way to do so without them resenting me.
Just say 'im moving out im sick and tired of you treatin me li a baby and plus I already found a place to live!' thats all you have to say is it really that hard...gosh
