How to help my girlfriend as her brother committded suicide..?

I can’t say I’ve been in the exact same position before, but I do know how much it hurts to lose a loved one. I also understand the feeling that one can have when they feel like no one realizes the extent of their pain, and that no one can quite touch the surface of exactly what it is that they’re going through. I, myself, have been through it. And, much like you, my girlfriend has had to deal with the sadness and rejection every time I had got defensive about things.

For me, I got angry when my girlfriend tried to relate to my experience or when she said I understand how you feel. The experiences weren’t the same and she didn’t understand 100%, so it never quite worked out and I always got frustrated. All I wanted was for someone to listen, without wanting to fix everything. Just to have a shoulder to lean on, you know?

I’m not sure if it’s the same with you and your girlfriend, but if she does talk to you about it, try to stay away from trying to fix it all for her. This won’t magically get easy. Keep her busy. Let her grieve. Support her. Ask her questions. Encourage healthy coping strategies, such as having her write in a private blog about how she’s feeling. If she doesn’t want to talk to you or a family member, try to see if she’d be okay trying grief counseling. It’s hard, but it DOES help a lot.

As for yourself, although it’s hard, try not to think of it as something you’re doing wrong. By trying, you’re doing a lot already. I’m sure your girlfriend appreciates it a lot more than what she shows. Don’t give up on her.

If at any point she’s in immediate danger, call emergency services.

If you need to talk about it more, feel free to Fun Mail me.