how to handle a problem step child?

my stepdaughter is 5. I know that she has not suffered any personal trauma. she is in pre-k. she has done pretty violent things in her class to the point where NO other kids in the class will have ANYTHING to do with her. her teachers have told me that out of 20 kids in the class that there was one other kid in the class that would play with her and she was slapping and taunting this child but finally she punched this kid in the stomach and ran her over with a wheel barrow. she has stabbed kids with a fork, stuck a plastic knife in a kids ear, punched a kid in the eye with a block so severely that the teachers were worried it had damaged the child’s eye, she spits on kids, she hit an adult in the face, she kicks kids. she now has segregated herself to be completely alone from EVERYONE! and she doesn’t care. she never complains that no one will play with her. she seems perfectly content to play alone. she’s completely anti-social. she is the absolute darling of her father. her mother sees it, I see it, her teachers see it, everyone in the family sees it, but he refuses to see it. she says things like “when the fish dies can I scoop him out” this kid is not normal but her father thinks she’s just going through a phase. well unless it’s a life long phase, it’s not a phase. my husband is not listening to me. he gets very defensive if I say anything about her. he knows that her behavior at school is not normal, but the most he will say is that he hopes she grows out of it. she gives me dirty looks. I’ve been with her father since she was 2. so it’s not like we’re in a new relationship. she doesn’t like her mother either. the only person she likes is her father. unless you’re doing something for her right at the moment she doesn’t care for you. she is extremely manipulative, but it only works on her dad because everyone else is onto her. she pushed her 2 year old cousin down so hard on hardwood floor that he started coughing because he was getting added attention because he’s so young. I watched her do it and when I called her name she turned around and said “it was an accident” it clearly was no accident. she had already earlier that day hit him in the head with a plastic bat. I don’t know what to do about her without the help of her father. does anyone have any ideas?

Answer #1

My answer was not meant to be directed at you rickthegreat. I do understand where you were coming from with the spanking bit, but if one is suspecting antisocial personality (as in_omnia_paratus described with the serial killer bit), teaching any sort of physical violence is just not the way to go.

Answer #2

I have read a lot on children like this, you need to get her into some sort of therapy. These children often grow up and do strange things like kill dogs and cats and turn them inside out. Reading articles on serial killers they are often like this, isolating themselves from other children and hurting everybody that reaches out to them. I really do feel for you, It must be hard seeing as the father cannot see it. Maybe you should talk with the girl’s bio mom because she would still have rights as a parent right? She could get her into therapy.

Answer #3

So, you’re thinking antisocial personality disorder? It’s a little early to be labeling the kid… Why not try some counseling? Thing is, if dad doesnt want to change the behavior, then there’s nothing you can do. You may want to approach this from a different angle. I.e. I’m worried that she’s alone and doesnt have friends vs. I think there’s something wrong with your kid and she’s a sociopath. Oh, and with a kid like this, you probably dont want to hit or spank. Beating this out of her, or punishing this out of her is probably not going to work.

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