How does this sound?

I was just thinking and I thought id write it down:

She who cries, her back against the wall, young and far too scared to fall. Who tastes the bittersweet knifes edge, bound in duties, had sworn a pledge. Lies deathly still, alone in the rain, consumed in darkness, and in pain. Wishes to bleed, wants to be hollow, throws back the shots, is forced to swallow. Pleads insanity, a sweet escape, there’s nothing left she wouldn’t throw away.

This doesnt reflect my personal thoughts, I just thought it sounded cool. whadya think?

Become an Expert →

Answer #1

I’m not really into it - but before you get mad - let me tell you why…

It doesn’t seem to have any meaning. Or in-other-words.. it don’t make sense. When writing I think it’s a very good idea to visualize something. If it’s a tragedy, visualize it - see it in your mind, watch it take place. What happens? Then write down all the words that come to mind. Put them together to write the story. You have to feel things in your heart and see them to write well. Since you said “This doesn’t reflect my personal thoughts” I don’t think this piece is from something you feel emotional about. Emotions make great poetry. I just can’t visualize any of this myself.

Just my honest opionion. Please don’t be mad. Sending you encouragements!

More Like This

Are there any bands that sound like the Beatles? - 2 Answers
Are there any good bands that sound like the Beatles or the Who?
How to hear the Sound of Music's wedding processional? - 1 Answers
how can I listen to the wedding processional from the sound of music
Who sounds like kym marsh - 1 Answers
Theres a song and I think its recent. I thought it was sung by kym marsh but its not. It sounds very like her. Any ideas who ...
who sings the song that sounds like where do we go whoa whoa - 1 Answers
okay yall might know what im talking about who sings the song that sounds like where do we go whoa whoa im still thinking tha...
Cool bands that sound like these? - 1 Answers
Hey can someone tell me some like bands that arent too well known that sound like bless the fall or escape the fate, or old c...
Does she sound like Doris Day when she sings? - 2 Answers
This is not me, but many people tell her she does: http://funadvice.com/r/1568c8rvt23
How to make my voice sound good? - 4 Answers
Is there any food or anything that can make my voice sounds Good and stronger??
THE HUSH SOUND??? - 3 Answers
I NEED THE SHEET MUSIC FOR THE HUSH SOUND AND I CANT FIND IT ON ANY KIND OF SITE LIKE EBAY OR WHATEVER. (NOT SCREAMING, CAPS ...
What song sounds best for me 2 sing? (Based on description) - 1 Answers
My voice is low and kindof rough. I am basically a tenor who sounds good singing no higher than Muse. What I sound like depe...
What is the name of the hiphop song w/ Window pc sounds ? - 1 Answers
It's hip hop song. A girl is singing it. They only use the windows part for like the beggining.

How does this sound?

Music

JBZ Beats

All Mixed Up LA

Zager Guitars