How do you know who you're dealing with ?

you don’t.. but that’s the risk you take when you date over internet. you never know exactly who you’re dealing with.

Dear amblessed, Well I don’t think one ever knows. I spoke with my now husband for over a year online. We of course were older and maybe a bit more intuitive about the truthfulness in our words. We spoke on the phone as well. I do believe “time will tell” is important when dealing with online relationships. My sister also met her husband online and I have several friends who have also. We all have happy relationships. But maturity and time is what I would say. Sue…good luck

I think, as with everything, you need to be experienced and not too naiive. Someone who’s never used the internet and suddenly puts a profile up on a dating site is going to be almost traumatized at the level of deceit. They will not realize that 90% of what they see will be pretenders.

There are lots of things to watch out for.

Pictures from 15 years ago. Full heads of hair, glamour shots, tales of being an airline pilot or being a classical pianist and ownng 3 homes… and in person, it’s a lot older, a lot fatter, the 86 Ford Taurus is parked behind the coffee shop, lol. I know a woman who discovered her husband’s profile on a dating site. She joined the site as Sexy Samantha, befriended him online and set up a meeting, complete with sunglasses, wig and a big coat, she shocked the hell out of him.

Men pretending to be women. For every woman looking for a boyfriend, there are probably 700 men looking for a quick romp. Men know that women will not hesitate to befriend another woman and even get into intimate chat with them. So Mike becomes Tanya and it’s the only way he can get to chat to Cindy… but he doesn’t know that Cindy actually isn’t even on the internet, but her husband Rob wants to look for another woman to join them so he pretends to be Cindy. Rob and Mike talk to each other as Cindy and Tanya, and have hot times… until one of them asks to see the other on cam. Then it dissolves and both are quickly pursuing others.

The pretenders are just looking for a quick adventure, if you can even call it that. The people who are looking for something real will take time, email, phone, get to know someone properly.

Aside from the disappointments and horrors, I’ve heard so many success stories, and I’m thrilled to read that Sue met her husband like that. I’ve also made very many close friends most of whom I will never meet, but would miss terribly if they suddenly disappeared.