I have been on a horrific emotional roller coaster the past two years with my wife (she has been having a two year emotional and sexual affair with her sister's husband and keeps coming back saying she's going to break it off but never does). I became clinically depressed to the point where I was unable to even get off the couch and work. I have been under a doctor's care who prescribed me medication that improved my depression to the point where I am no longer paralyzed by depression, but I am now paralyzed by fear caused by me not doing anything to help my clients for the past 5 months. I own my own business and have literally ruined my career and will probbaly lose my license as an actuary. I am sacred to death to face what I have done and call my clients to send them what they are asking for. I am literally flat broke and have two young children to support (plus my wife who still lives at the house keeping us in turmoil) and can't even buy food.
I have done some reseach about what to do when you're in my situation and realize that I am probably making my client problems bigger than they really are and need to just force myself to take the next step. the problem is I still can't move. Has anyone felt like this before and been through this? Does anyone have any advice for me? thank you!
You start with the little things. There's a lot for you to fix. You're not going to fix everything overnight. First things first. Food, and then shelter. Is there anyone you can ask for a loan? Just to keep you going? Parents, friends? You need to make sure you've got food and you're not going to be homeless. Then, you need to start with everything else. Do one thing. Just one. It doesnt have to be the most important thing. But if you get one thing done every day, you'll have 7 more things done a week than you would have not moving. You just have to make one phone call. You just have to send one email. Or you just have to get your files organized so you can figure out what you need to get done next. Just commit to one thing. I promise, once you get one thing done, things will start to get done. But you have to take the first step. Then, you need to work with your thoughts a little bit. Have you really ruined your career? Generally, committing a crime, harming someone, those ruin careers. You've just stalled a little bit. In the worst economy in decades. You're not the only one who's a little stuck. Even if, and this is highly doubtful, you've managed to earn a really bad reputation in your town. You can fix it. Or you can move and start fresh. Bottom line, it's ok. It's not the end of the world. You havent killed anyone, you havent destroyed any lives. Even if you go bankrupt, you can pick up again and start over. It's not the end of the world. And thinking about how you failed is doing absolutely no good. You've got kids to look after. You dont have time to indulge in what you've done wrong. I go through periodic episodes of depression. It's always the first step that is hardest. Mostly because it seems like there's so much to do and you've made a mess of everything. But, if I just pick a place to start, and keep going from there, little by little, things start to get done. If you cant make the first step by yourself, consider talking to a counselor. There are places that will do it very low cost (the place I work at will even do it at no cost for certain clients). Anything to get moving. You'll be ok. And yeah, I'm with phrannie on this one. Although, I'm guessing that you just dont have the strength to kick your wife out right now. Listen, if there's people you can ask for help, then ask for help. If you need someone to baby sit for a little bit while you work, someone to cook a couple of meals, someone to help you get your work organized, ask for the help... It's not weakness, I know you're a man and so heaven forbid you need help, but it's ok to get help. And people are more willing to help than you would think. Just ask. What's the worst that can happen, they'll say no?
Very few people have gotten thru life without being 'frozen' by fear...and you're right, 99% of the time, what we conjur up in our heads is far worse than the reality. Pick a client that you assess to perhaps be the easiest to talk to. Don't be afraid to admit your shortcomings if you have to...let this client be the momentum you need to call the second client. I think you'll find the relief of talking to them a reward, and that too, is momentum...Once this is off your 'check list', I think you'll be moved to carry on with your work life...
Then, kick that woman out of the house!! You've showed plenty of patience, and she's shown no urge to change her ways...the only thing worse sticking with her for two years is sticking with her for two years and one more day!!