How do I get someone to back off?

Okay, so there’s this girl at school who used to hang around with me and by best friend, but then she got a boyfriend and started spending all her time with him and his friends (who were all total nerds), so me and my friend found some other friends to hang out with. We’re now a very close-knit group with tonnes of in-jokes and stuff like that. The problem is that now she’s started hanging around with us, and no-one in my group (including me and my best friend) likes her. She’s really obnoxious and annoying but we don’t know how to get her to leave us alone. First we tried being tolerant and just letting her hang around us, but that didn’t last too long. We’ve tried dropping subtle and less-than-subtle hints and even straight-out ignoring her, but she doesn’t get the message. Even when we did a secret santa that didn’t include her whatsoever she got upset and I thought, “right, this might be taking care of it’s self; maybe she won’t come back next lunch” but she did. We’ve all spoken to our parents and un-involved friends, but most of them don’t have any new ideas. Have any of you been in this situation before? What are we meant to do?

Answer #1

She WAS obnoxious and annoying before. She didn’t have a honeymoon period, and yes she SHOULD find better friends, that’s the point!

Answer #2

It’s true.

Answer #3

Her and her boyfriend weren’t very close anyway. He dumped her ages ago. And anyway, she did do something wrong. She’s always so negative and annoying and obnoxious (sorry, I can’t think of any other words)and is always paying out on one of my other best friends(who’s a christian)and being rude about her beliefs. And she’s always bugging me about my shoes, and how she hates them and all the rest. She also refuses to wear a bra or crop top or even a singlet, when everyone knows she needs one.(badly). And she thinks all our in-jokes are stupid and basically makes fun of us.

Answer #4

I think you need to give her a break. A lot of people (especially girls) tend to get lost in a new and blossoming relationship and want to be part of every aspect it (his life, his friends, just doing ‘couple stuff’), and so they tend to ‘forget’ about their friends. I’m only using the word ‘forget’ loosely here, I mean, when you’re busy building and savoring the intensity of a new relationship, time seems to move so fast, and when you start to go back to your social life later, your friends will blame you for ditching them.

I know that friendship is important and you never forget about your friends, but can you really blame this girl? And obviously, she didn’t forget about you guys, she was just taking a break to enjoy the ‘honeymoon period’ of her new relationship.

Friends will always be there for each other (they don’t always have to be together to be friends), and friends are always happy for each other when they find something that makes them happy. So don’t take her hiatus as an insult to your friendship. You’re just using this negative experience to see her as obnoxious and annoying now that she’s back. If she’s obnoxious and annoying now, I’m sure she would be obnoxious and annoying before, and you wouldn’t be friends with her in the first place.

You don’t turn obnoxious and annoying from entering into a relationship, unless she wants to brag about her boyfriend - which I don’t think she’s doing. You guys are just singling her out now just because she went to have a bit of fun with her boyfriend, and she doesn’t understand why you guys are suddenly being cold to her because she didn’t do anything wrong. This is why she also isn’t getting your hints.

Give her a chance. If you guys don’t, I don’t think that you’re very good friends for her anyway. She should find some better friends then, friends who understand.

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